dont know what is going on.
seems like im not myself anymore..
im lost.
i hate myself for not knowing what is wrong & right.
even i knew, i tend to continue doing the wrong thing...
please bring me back to the right track!~

today i really unhappy.
i had a little quarrel with my mum before going back Kampar.
she asked me not to go so early because she need me to accompany her to attend a meeting at Hillcity at friday night.
but i had promised my boy.
i dont want to brake promise.
i hate people brake promise. real hate!
she so angry and say ' u go la.. i dont want u!'
i know she dont mean that way..
i know there's a reason why she wanted me to go with her so much.
i know i know.. i never get wrong.
atlast, i calmed down myself..
i go to her office.. and i promise her to come back by tonight or 2moro morning.
she say.. 'okays.'
i knew she felt guitly for talking that way to me..
i never keep in heart.
i know there's a reason for it.
i wont ask.. as she calm down, she will tell me... i know.
i love you mum!
im sorry...

so, i went Kampar.
and i feel so stupid to go Kampar for him.
its a real sucks feeling i ever had.
Oh the way to Kampar, i really feel happy because i can meet him at last.
i really so happy...i think of many ways to give him a surprise.
i thought when i going to reach, i would give him a call.
so that he will come out and help me to carry with the stuff.
Im wrong.
when i call him for fun. he dont even bother.
he dont seems to drop by a while to help me with those things.
its really a common sense that i've lots of things to be clean and pack.
i tell myself, 'im wrong that i appear today and i did a stupid mistake that make my mum angry'
i not even eat anything from morning.
i thought to take lunch with him..
but it doesnt seem to be that way...
why?
there's many question appear in my mind.
i wonder how important am i to you?
you still remember? i ask you..how and what i do when i see you 2weeks later?
i always think that you will welcome me..you will smile at me and help me with the stuff together...
but its turned up side down.
and i really up sad.
when i was cleaning my room, i hears your voice screaming happily with your friends.
i'm happy that your okay BUT deep inside..i felt so hurt.
did you ever care about my feelings???

u go back penang so long ard.
i guess u had such a nice time with your friend ard.
u cant even spends a few minute with me to welcome me?
cant u just make me feel better??

after finished cleaning, im really hungry to death.
i call vin to accompany me to eat.
when i was in car, its raining outside.
i saw you running to my gate.
u felt weird that the gate locked.
i drive my car off imediately.
i had no way to go... but i scared i will soft hearted.
i want u to care me..

i get your call few minutes later..
i thought you will ask me where am i and ask me back?
Im wrong again.
haha.. u are asking for the wireless?!
wth..
u come for the wireless instead of me?
does it mean that if there are no streamyx at my house, u dont even bother?
u dont even come to meet me?
omg.
what the hell am i doing all the way?

anywhere i really appreciates that i've meet Vin.
he really makes me happy.
he is the one who shows me that he cares.
thanks Vin.
i knew i never have a friend as good as you.
thanks for everything !

after finished eating, u called me again.
not for me.. BUT for your results.
i really understand how u feel about the resit.
i felt sorry for you..i dont know how to help you.
its too late.
at first, i thought of telling you whats make me not happy today.
at last i dont.
i know you sad for your results, i dont want to burden u anymore.
i keep everything inside...
no way to throw it out.
it's hurts.

on the way back,
vin and ah gor sms me to ask me to becareful. Its raining and bla bla.
i dont feel happy instead i feel more sad for myself.
why they care me so much but not u??
im asking myself...
who are you for me??
i feel myself so useless...
i miss the feeling before we're together.
when will that feeling come back to me?
i hope that im dreaming for everything that happened today....
I want to keep ONLY sweet memories about us!



FINALLy, i know why my mum wanted i attend the meeting so much now.
my dad??
how could him?
he's going with my clerk?
wtf !
what the hell in his mind?
why not he go with my mum since the meeting needs 2 people to attend?
i know my mum is not good in B.M !
please dont hurt her.
she's the best mum in this world for me..
nobody can replaced her. i know i know.
dad you cant do this to my mum..
i cant even stand what i feel now in my relationship.
how could she?
she can do anything for us..she needs to do things at home and office.
did she ever say anything or even complaining??



now i know.
i didnt make a wrong decision.
i get back home.
to drink her soup and i will attend the meeting with her to replace them.
i hope my mum will feel better.
atleast she know... i will support her no matter what is going to happen.


i hope after tears, i could feel better for anything.
i just want to be myself for what i am.
NO offense dear.
tis is what i feel...
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