understanding is very important in a relationship..
to understand someone is not easy..
before u want ppl to understand u. did u really understand yourself??

**
yesterday, we went Grand Kampar Hotel for a steamboat.
bb drive my car to buy thing for tang yuen.
after finish eating, i found out that he forgotten to turn off the light of my car.
so the battery went out of charges and cant even start the engine.
i leave my car in front the hotel all night long, hoping that it will work next day.

i set my alarm this morning to 9.30am.
i wanted to go Mr.Narwin class badly.
end up of sleeping because no ppl fetch me there...
its ok since that is not my class, i can go to his next class.
so, i reset my alarm to 11.20pm for the next class of my math tutorial.
at the end, i didnt go to his class..
ending up in the old town for the wire to re-charge my car battery.
shoot!! u dont understand what i need at all?
i wanted to go to class.... NOT re charge my car!!
u know what is important to do first and what is not?
u dont understand...........
i dont want to say a words since u are more excited about the wire.
anywhere, tq for the car.

love is not just physically,
its from heart.

love is not just from a word,
its from action.

an action can show the difference,
a simple word can stand for a big meaning.


do what u say, say what u do...

[ L ] for love,
[ L ] for lies.
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|off my nerve.. =X

Sunday, August 24, 2008 * 12:45 AM

this morning was a terrible morning.
i dream something that could fck off my mind...
why am i being so jealous and mind about that if i really believe n trust?
wtf.
i walked back home while smsing Nick.
i even feel like suiciding that moment..
swt. i even tell him that i wanna back hometown immediately.
after have a long long bath, only i realize im kinda off my nerve...
how could i die easily because of something stupid??
i DONT worth that way.. ^^
then went to old town alone to take some document for my mum.
i went wrong place...swt =.=""

for brunch, i have KFC with mr.GoikLH after wait him for 15mins alone outside his house.
haihzz..
then study with him the whole evening....

at night, Matthew called me..
he told me he miss me. its hard to be controlled.
i was so freak off when he suddenly tell me that...
I really touch with what u did....
but i know we dont have the ending that i wish to be.
i dont want to hurt u..
deep in my heart, i know everything...
i just .... pretending....all way long....
i guess its better to be in this way.....
as the song i sang to u last time..i really mean it
hope u happy always... [=
and found someone who worth your care^^
as i promise, i will try to go genting to visit u... =p

two more weeks to sit for final exam..
and again.... i did nothing for it.
start to revise...
trying hard to focus...... LOLs
as Mr.Steve said, 2weeks to study 3months of 6subject..
uh? DIE X((



once again i clarify...
i really feel like the place doesnt belong to me anymore.
i guess i really need time............

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|getting better..

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 * 8:46 PM

shOot. i cried badly yesterday. wth.
why am i crying le?? swt.
i know the reason...
when i think of it, my heart pain.. =(
by that time, i know how much i love you...

but its pass ard now..
i dont want to mention what im thinking...
its better to kept n buried in my heart.

water flows like time...
its always flow.....
flows away and never return.

appreciate this very moment as it will not return again.


LOVEmeFORwhoIam -carol

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|as clear as cystal

Tuesday, August 19, 2008 * 1:36 AM

the night is still young.
i still dont feel happy today.
i thought things will be ok after i wake up this morning.
BUT it still the same.

only my bit bit accompany me and fill this lonely.
he's really cute^^

today after dinner, i went westlake with kelvin.
we walked for 1hour there..we wanna look for YieHuan, but she's not around.
so we just walked all over for nothing.

suddenly, kelvin and I wanted to go to toilet but we dont have place.
so, kelvin ask me to borrow goik's toilet.
at first, i feel that its really idiot idea since goik's ex is around.
i dont want he feel like im checking on him even i do. LOLSs
he step in the house when i wanna go away..
so i just follow his steps and to goik's room.

the place we use to spend time together all this while.
i dont know why the place seems so unfamiliar to me..
i feels like it doesnt belong to me anymore...
i'm totally hate this feeling.. no offenses.

so, i ask for the toilet.
the kelvin and me go back after finish our business.
we still walk for 30mins before going back home.
i love the air. i wish the air and winds remain there as the rain just stop hour ago.

8.30pm the discussion for the CS debate starts.
as usual we do our work and surf net.
then jia wen call me for chat.
its quite long i didnt heard from him since last month.
many distraction occur during the talk because he is working when he's calling me. *siao*
he told me he is getting so bored..
and we talk a lot as usual. its glad that he call me, at least i could feel better.

after the discussion, i come out with the idea to go mamak.
i lost my appetite today..total of food that digest in my stomach today,do not more than 1 meal that i have in a usual day.
i just dont feel like eating even the world greatest food catch in my sigh.

no reason to explain all this...

its just happen..

i trust him.
i dont know why i will just trust whatever he say....
i just do..

*photos of my bitbit will be update soon. tq

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|the taste of pain.

Monday, August 18, 2008 * 12:09 AM

i was in a real real downcast today.
i dont sleep well yesterday for no reason. i dont understand why i feel sad and happy in the same time. is there anyone can stay beside me now? where is him when i need you? i know you might be busy with your ex, but its doesnt worth me this way. its suddenly being a big big burden for me. a really big burden that i cant stand it alone.. i wonder am i the one who bring it all and burden myself? why? why should i being this fucking idiot? i thought what i am doing all this while is what i wanted and right! why it turn upside down now?? what should i going to do to make it right? is there anyone to help me? i dont want to cry. cry doesnt cure anything. please help me...

TO: you know who you are,
sometimes i really hope to forgive you. but deep deep inside i couldnt.
since the day in tutorial english class.
u yelling at me without reason.
i cant accept the way u treat me, i just cant.
i always try to ignore it but there's a boundary between us which making me feel that i must protect myself.
i always try to stay away from you...i just hope that u wont annoys me and so do i.

BUT u keep making me feel that way............

does a friend mean to be like that? i really dont understand.

why u always say something that really annoying?
i just cant pretend that i dont see and hear it.

i really HATE all the things u do to me.
hate it so much that i hate myself too.

i blame myself for everything that happen.

its a real large burden on my shoulder.
i cant lift it off.
as i wish i could.

*AT LAST, I CRIED.
in pain.

i just cant find any medicine................ to cure.
no bandage.
keep on bleeding....
in its own way............untill i can die peacefully.

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