[ CarOLicious ]

Parents and children..

2010-10-18T23:03:00.001+08:00

i got this story by lai jun wei. I dont know him in person.. but the story is very inspirational... =)

Pencil: I'm sorry
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
Pencil: I'm sorry cos you get hurt bcos of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. :)

. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way... they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass away). Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.

"All my life, I've been the pencil.. And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day. For I know that one day, all that I'm left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have..."

我会开心的

2010-07-30T08:12:00.002+08:00

Just make a BIG decision.
it might change my life...to be better or worst.
BUT i know, i must do it....or else, there wont be a happy ending.

i just wanna keep a happy memory with you...

yesterday, i had make a BAD choice again...which is to study with u guys even thought I'm very very tired - mentally & emotionally.

It might be I always keep everything with my own, and causes such temper.
It might be lack of communication or communication break down.
I always feel that there's a gap between us...because of it.
It might be me, stress due to midterm & assignment.
..............

Sorry, it's my problem.
i hope you will respect my decision!

Today,my family is going to Thailand without me, i really hope i can join them.
Don't quite remember when is the last time all of us went to a trip =(
I hope I can spend more time with them. Sorry for not being a good daughter....
I will as well work harder for my degree! i promise mum....i won't let you down!

Give life second chance...

2010-07-24T12:57:00.000+08:00

Yong Vui Kong, a 22-year old Malaysian, was sentenced to mandatory death in January 2009, for trafficking 47 grams of Heroin into Singapore. He had exhausted his appeals by August this year and he’ll be hanged next month!

Yong is a changed person after his imprisonment. Vui Kong who just want to redeem his past sins is actually an unrecognized ally of the Singapore Government in the latter’s anti-drug campaign.Finding a faith in Buddhism, he is using the remaining days of his life to counsel fellow inmates and also educate the general public on how drugs destroy life.

I really hope they will allow him the second chance to make good for the damage he has caused to society.He can only escape execution if the Singapore President grants clemency.

Please click here to sign the on-line petition to appeal to Singapore President to grant Yong the clemency

thankyou<3
source:http://2ndchance4yong.wordpress.com/

helloo friends~

2010-05-02T17:26:00.000+08:00

aiya, its been like over 6 months i disappear..sorry friends.
life in Degree is soooooo busy that i would ever think of..

to you, my dear ling ling :
i hope everything will be just fine for you..
let it past as a memory in your life...
Dont let the emotion to control you... i know its hard!
but u dont have choice, there's no turning back...=)
remember, you will still have lots of friend to go along with you..
you wont feel lonely......ah ma will always be there for you! i swear^^
love you always... miss ya~~^^

***

the photo will be upload soon due to my some problem with my hp & camera...
really apologies for everything.... =)

Happy New Year 10!!

2009-12-30T14:10:00.003+08:00

Today 30th Dec 09.. tomorrow is the last day of the year! Sure most of you guys already planning for this eve celebration of the coming new year right? Countdown? Party? BBQ?
BUT me?? nah, I'm not going anywhere either for Christmas. Don't have any special event to attend, any place to go.. any dates.. huh! boring ~
I taking this opportunity to spend more time with my family^^ maybe for a dinner? YES, tonight i will help mum for the cooking. OR maybe i can say, i helped mum alot in the kitchen during this sem break, hoping to gain more skill in cooking =D Yesterday I've done with my chicken curry ^^

Today i plan to make simple homemade pizza =D
I use bread as my pizza dough! It's so simple and easy =)

I need cheese sliced( chesdale cheese will be ok^^ but if u have any other nicer cheese like mozzarella cheese) , bread of cause, hotdog and macaroni , mushroom sliced, Onion thinly sliced , tomato chopped, ham and tomato sauce.

1. Place bread on baking pan.
2. Spoon on the tomato sauce, sprinkle with cheese, and place toppings on the pizza, keeping leafy items on bottom.
2. Bake pizza one at a time until the crust is browned and the cheese is golden, about 8-12 minutes. If you want, toward the end of the cooking time you can sprinkle on a little more cheese.

DONE! easy right? I guess you can figure out how it will look like....and i will try to update the look of my homemade pizza ASAP =D

This simple homemade pizza can be done in just 15 minutes and serve only one person per bread or even more ^^ It's also can be eaten during picnic, supper, breakfast, during tea time and bla bla~
Have Fun =D

+Funny C0nversation+

2009-12-26T16:12:00.001+08:00

One day this young malay guy come over my dad's shop to repair his motorcycle.
My mum saw him and remember that he just bought his motor last month.
So this young guy approached my mum, 'hey kak, motor rosak lar!'
mum : mestilar..
guy : *huh??*
mum : motor baru beli, jangan la rempit!
guy : *hehe*
mum : jual you lembu, lembu pun tak boleh TAHAN !!

hahahhahaa~ my mum so funny lar. how dare he tell that to the customer! so damn funny lor =p

Merry Christmas ^^

2009-12-26T16:07:00.000+08:00

Finally, its sem break again ^^
Nothing to do for the moment... kinda bored at home! I just feel like staying home to sleep since i don't have enough sleep during study week. LOL
The final is so hard T_T Marketing is like~ OMG! Fine, as long as i dont fail it! GOD BLESS ME *__*

Chirstmas? hoho~ Merry Christmas People! How you guys celebrate Christmas? I just stay at home for the countdown and taken dinner with family ! Parents pamper me with bery bery nice food ^^

five ppl with so much food!! urgh~ between the crab is very nice, cost RM70 =Z my lamb chop and sushi haven't serve...

oh ya, before Christmas we make tong yuen at home ^^ nice and colorful.. love it =D

the colour made by fruit not colouring! =p

20th Dec was my dad's birthday. He came over to Kampar to celebrate with me since im busy with the study for final =D love you dad ^^
We celebrate at Steamboat near Tesco, dont know what it call already LOL XD
Wish u have a healthy and wealthy coming year ! *hearts*

for you to know..for me to find out

2009-11-27T13:42:00.002+08:00

What is love?

A long relationship is hard to gain.

BUT have you ever wonder that it’s the feeling you ~~walk~~ gone through together? Or it’s just a feeling of norm for getting together?

After years of relationship, we feel bored? Why? The reason is quite easy; it’s either Money or Attitude? Have you ever wonder this before you get into a relationship?

I pretty sure couples experience the difference of before and after getting into the relationship. It’s so hard to explain in words but we know what it is deep in our heart.

Sometimes things are better in the way that we have yet known the ~~reason~~ answer.

Trust is the most important element in a relationship. If there’s a lie, will there be a trust?

The truth may hurt for a little while but a lie hurts forever!

The point is, is it lie can make life better? Once you lie, you will need a thousand of lies to cover your lie.

Sometimes we had this little though in our mind, why they need to lie? But we never know why..

Can we put trust on the one who had ever lied to you?

Even we forgive, did we really forgive? Or can we??

People nowadays are way too selfish already. People change from time to time…just as we realize it; it’s too late to do anything. Maybe changes are to protect themselves from harm? We understand, once changed nothing able to turn it back.

If we found out changes in them which we can’t accept, can we forget and let it go? Or we have to accept them?

Is love having to accept everything?

Love is a very weird thing, we know it’s wrong but we keep doing it. Until one day, we choose to leave…

Love is to forgive?

To Accept?...

LOVE, no appearance. FRIENDS, no difference.

2009-11-10T02:19:00.000+08:00

OH NO!!~ how come Chubby have become bald? =0

Today i brought chubby to pet shop, asking for full grooming. That guy ensure me that, he will look bald but he guarantee me that his fur will grow nicer than before XD So, why not i take a risk? I wanted him to have curly fur since I first bought him. Poodle with curly fur is sooo damn cute! Like this :

okay, for sure chubby wont wear any Kimono. LOL

When i look back to old picture when chubby is young, i found that Chubby grows up a lots! What to do, my mum loves him very much, she feed Chubby so much and give him a bite of everything she's eating. =( I wish Chubby still stay that cute.. but uh, nothing's gonna change my love for him. whee~ Honestly, I feel like laughing every time seeing him in bald. LOL I fetch Chubby back after two hours grooming, u know what? I barely recognise him!! I was asking him, 'are u Chubby?'. LMAO. Ivan suggested me to give command to him to make sure it was him ><"

I'm questioning myself whether Chubby will going to be unhappy being bald or not. LOL

Hope chubby's fur grow out faster. Love you lotsssss =D

Friends. when u talked about friends, do you ever count how many real friends do you have? Yep, we have alotttts of friend but do they actually consider as your real ones? It's so disappointed that you treat them as a friend, but they didn't. Who wants a friend who back stab you? I do have friend who approach you when they're having problems only. Do you think it's worth the help??.. ><"

Maybe things are better in a unsolved question. We may not know the truth of everything but i remember my mum once told me that, "do whatever things you like in our ethnic ways." =)

week4!

2009-11-09T01:21:00.002+08:00

I hate short semester alotttttssss!!

why Utar has 7weeks of semester ar? its make us suffer a lots. With 2 lecture and tutorial classes for ONE subject in a week which students WILL BE exposed with new topic every lecture, MEANS we;re going to learnt TWO topic in a week. OMG.

BUT thank god, I'm taking only 2 subject this semester due to my suck results last semester. I'm under prohibition's student!! SSHHH~~!! don't spread to the world yea. HAHA. HEY DONT THINK THAT I FAIL, i just passing with not enough CGPAs. OMG soo embarrassing!!

This Friday will be my first mock presentation for English and midterm test the day after! ITS ONLY WEEK 4, dude! uh, maybe I dont have yet ready for anything. Okay, I promised myself to start everything by tomorrow! Carol please learnt self discipline! No more Pool, POker, Restaurant world, Restuarant City! =)

Yesterday watched Poker King with my mum at Parade. It's a very nice movie that you guys should watch! It will make u laugh like...there's no others busineesss! haha... Honestly, i heard Kelvin's laughing so laud from the front ><" Too bad my mum don't understands the movie so much la because she never play poker before ma =D credits to Ivan! *clap clap* LOL

Today wake up very very late! thought of going to DIM SUM but it's afternoon already. LOL Taken Kenny Rogers for dinner and i feels very hungry now =( Thanks mum for my favorite!

hungry! hungry.. hungry!!!

okay, its time to sleep now. Tomorrow have to wake up early for revision =0 Hoping that my stomach wont wake me up in the middle of night. LOL good night people! kissess~ ~ ~ *eeuww!

Ipoh temple..

2009-11-09T00:40:00.000+08:00

Ipoh is well known with foods, old town coffee, limestone cave, waterfall, hills, temple and etc. Last Sunday, my dad brought us, the whole family, to visit a very nice temple with is just build within the cave =)
The temple namely Miaw Yuan Chan Li, which is near simpang pulai. I suppose Ipoh friends should know where is Sam Poh Tong temple^^ the temple that i have visited lies on the other side of this Sam Poh Tong's hills, which is also build within the lime stone cave. LOL. It's so nice that the temple is actually inside this cave and the air is so freaking cold and fresshhh! =D

yea, alot of peoples gather there that day and the reason is for one!

we get free food that day.. yeah^^ but we only targeted on vege food XD

there's a build-up chamber there for lighting up candles.

see how the temple is connected with the hills. hehe

and yea, i found this!! guess what is this??

MONEY TREE!!

there's money clip on this hand made banana tree for praying purpose =)

maybe i should grow one in Kampar, so i wouldn't have to ask money from parents again XD

me with the money tree and chubby!

chubby always grab tons of attention from public =D

*chubby don't wanna look at the camera, acting cool =(

inside the hill which is the temple =)

sleeping Buddha =D nice right?

hoping for another visit next time. between, their vege is superb. My dad told me, there's a lot of rich man in Ipoh donate those food and money to build this temple into a very nice place. YEAH, once I've been a rich woman, i will donate some too. LOL

***

pics of the day :

2009-10-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

A very sad day for me.

Its happens again after 1 year.

Or should i say, expected??

You make my life miserable !

Did I owe you my life or something?

Can you make life simple ?

Can you make me happy??

" Sometimes you have to put walls around you; not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down just to be with you. "

I saw this in the Facebook application, and i think its very meaningful =]

Today my legs hurt. I feeling emo. I didnt take dinner for goodness sake! I feel miserable and lonely! blah blah~ blahhh~

4-days KL trip

2009-10-25T21:26:00.004+08:00

I missed the 9am train to KL central. The next train will be 1pm! OMG~ I decide to take bus to Pudu then go back to KL Central to meet Kelvin. Plusliner bus for 11.30pm, thanks dad for buying me the ticket =) Reached KL at 2.25pm. OH MY~ I walked to the monorail like 1km plus under hot sun. I don’t know that I can take Hang Tuah station. I walk like 1 station from Hang Tuah to Imbi. So damn stupid. LOLx Reached KL Central, saw Kelvin there waiting for me. He said he waited for me since 10am. Thanks Kelvin, I feel so guilty yet so happy that I have such friend =) Meet wen, nie, yee at Pyramid at cinema, we watched ‘where got ghost?’. Then took dinner at Gasoline and back home ready for clubbing at MOS ^^

Euphoria MOS is such a nice place I’ve ever been =D The music bass is so damn nice. Ladies night go in by express lane while the guys needa register themselves and ordered 2 bottle of chivas! Yummy~ I miss Chivas so much. Haa =p WOW, the musics getting louder and nicer after 12am. We dance in the dance floor nonstop until the party end..at 3am! XD even now I wish to be there again tonight =p

Next morning woke up at 8am to get ready for Ivan and Sam to DATE me. Wakakka XD they date me! LOL don’t whack me ya =D Reached Time Square to meet Sam with his just-woke-up face, the puffy eyes. Haha =D damn cute, but don’t have pics of us. OH ya, ShiWen, ShengNie, Kelvin, Sinyee, Lun them is going to lagoon except me! T-T so bad right? I left them 7person which is very not convenience to play because all the games must play two by two. Sorry guys!

We watched Surrogates! Took brunch at the HK food restaurant, I don’t know the name. LOL oh, the starbucks Ivan’s dad treat us..er, not me! I didn’t order XD so damn awkward that his dad come down purposely from the office paying for us. OMG~

That day really a bad day, we stuck at KTM for about 45minutes! The train keep delay.. delay and delay!! Damn the KTM!GRR! Ivan’s family fetch us when we reached Subang Jaya and Lun fetch me back from the KFC =p Pittyyy Ivan! He have to take Bus back since his dad left him. Sorry ya Ivan, treat u sushi during Bonanza next time. Sure you have the chance, don’t worry!! XD hahahha…. Took late dinner at D’ Sayang mamak XD BUT Nie, Wen, Yee them went back Raub ard lo =(

We wake up without alarm at 11am with, “Yeah, Pyramid! I’m coming!!” LOL get ready for the day and we eat Kenny rogers then movie, chaw if I not mistaken, the giant pig eat human. Kinda funny also lar =p Then three of us shop and stop by A&W for their float, Kelvin left with keawxiong. =) bought 2 clothes and went back home for rest.

At night, take diner at Asia Café, such a nice place! All foods is available there, not like Kampar.eww!~~

Then, we play pool!! First time playing pool and learn from the basic with Lun^^ I feel like addicted ard.. Lun wait for me, I will be back!! XD

Back to hostel, I asked Lun to teach me NFS and left for death! =]

Wake up late that day since I’m too tired, Ivan is waiting for me XD take breakfast with Lun and send us to KTM. Have to change so many times….zzz (KTM-Putra-PWTC). We go PWTC to meet my mum and aunts for the beauty expo^^ Ivan cant stop looking at those leng lui. Haha => getting crowded in PWTC as time goes by… then we go off to Petaling street for lunch. I’m so exhausted and tired to max since I have to carry soooo mnay stuff. Thank God IVAN is there to help me, if not, I surely die before I reach PWTC. “He’s so nice boy”,my mum said. My mum keep praising him in front of me. LOL Ivan, I feel like vomiting when I hear that~ hahhaa.. but really thankssss a lot la^^

***end

Lovely day ~

2009-10-08T00:06:00.002+08:00

Today the bf come along from Penang to Ipoh for me =)

bb i appreciate it very much^^ thanks..

We take brunch together with mama at Chendrong, then fetch mama and Chubby back daddy's office.

We went Jusco jalan jalan=) i wanna watch movie, but he watched it all =X
*its ok, i'll going to watch at KL tomorrow. whee~
Walk until tired then we rest in The Coffffeee Bean shop =D
Ordered Nutty Delight-Large and a Tiramisu classics. The Nutty Delight is blended from the Hoi Sam Guo! haa.. dont know how to tell in English =X Its a very refreshing drink. U guys should try this special ice blended=)

The coffee Bean shop=)

After tea time, walk again~ Jusco Ipoh is kinda small but no choice. haa =D Ipoh no nice and big shopping center. But hey, im going to KL tomorrow by KTM at 9am. yeah! Havent pack clothes. so lazy la.. anyone help me?? =D I will be reaching around12pm. Hopefully Kelvin will be there earlier than me. I afraid of being alone in a stranger place... PLS pls *pray hard* and i wish that my trip to KL is going to be DAMN fun and MORE fun XD oh, i will going to clubbing on Thursday night nearby Sunway, I don't know where. Hope my stay at Lun's place wasn't disturbing him to study for his finals =)

okays pics for the day...

ok ok i should pack my stuff now. whee~ bye

2 important Qualities of a Doctor... =D

2009-10-05T18:50:00.002+08:00

First-year students at a medical school were receiving their first. Anatomy lesson with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: 'In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the buttocks of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the buttocks of the dead body and sucking on it. Each one tried his best not to puke.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,

'The first most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. The second important quality is to learn to pay attention."

by Sharahwanaun Muthusamy
---

hahahahahhaa =D lmao

happy Sunday!

2009-10-05T01:12:00.001+08:00

This morning went Foh San for breakfast. Go dim sam for lunch XD funny and damn weird right? what to do~ have to bath all the dogsss before going out. lolx.

Stupid posing =p Foh San's plate is the only thing i wanna show actually.. LOL XD

i know my cam skill is bad. ignore it.jeez taken by W910i =]

After breakfast, went shopping at Jusco, Ipoh =) Spend alotss at SASa. My mum bought perfume, so nice. Shop there for 2hours plus lor, swt. so much to see.. but no money to buy. hahahha

Then my bro ask me to drive him to parade, he was searching for a Nike flip flop. Whatthehell! RM80 for a pair of sliper?? NObody sponsor him! haha.. so he will save money on his own i guess.

Random pic for today =D

happy mo0ncake festival=)

2009-10-04T01:27:00.004+08:00

Hey wishing all Happy Mooncake Festival!
For those who is other religion, mooncake festival is also known as Mid-Autumn Festival which the moon is supposedly at its fullest and roundest. Traditionally on this day, Chinese family members and friends will gather to admire the bright mid-autumn harvest moon, and eat moon cakes and pomelos together.
Today my family and I celebrating at home,pray and play lantern but the wind is too strong because of dog and cat rain.. It blown out all our candles =( Chubby is happily running around as he never have the chance to go out. lolx

chubby & me wishing u happy mooncake festival ;D

he's smiling at you *laugh*

last but not least, Mooncake and the candles =p

OH YEA, Happy Birthday fish ;D Friends Forever.

okies guys, gotta sleep =) nights all.....

detective carol

2009-10-02T15:34:00.005+08:00

bad news! I've lost credit card which have limit to 15k. =(
i lost it during my study week. that fella used RM9k and i only know it after receive the bill. GOD DAMN IT!
this few day i was busy searching to the place that he went and get info about him : He's a man age around 35-40, Malay and a taxi driver.

I hope the police will help us with this case and we don't have to pay for the bill. Its my recklessness which i found out the lost about 1week after drop of credit card, last use on Saturday at Esso petrol station. I still remember my friends and I were watching movie at JJ cinema. i don't even remember how i lost it even though i was very clear about that night because many incident happened. In the same time, its also the Bank fault that they didn't ring me or my parents about the abnormal usage. Normally i only spend around Rm1k every month.. Its really a very very BIG lesson for me T-T

Now i really very afraid to use credit card anymore. Those few night i didn't sleep nicely, keep worrying about the money. I really feel very guilty that burdened my parents for their work and my credit card stuff. People, pray hard for me. IM GUILTY and promise that i wont be so careless again...sob

now its the second week of my semester break, i didn't go anywhere as i expected to do after my finals. I really don't feel good about it. I suppose to have fun after my hard struggling for the finals....argghhh!!

Didn't update my blog since i don't have connection at home away from campus. LOLx

I really hope i can plan my holiday again next week. i really do..

lucky day ^^

2009-08-20T12:19:00.004+08:00

Finally the PTPTN stuff settled within 1hour. Woke up at 7am, really tiring because doesn't have nice sleep yesterday. The mosquito really annoys me. GRR!! Reached campus at 8.15am. The boyfriend argue with the Guard make me late for 15minutes =( When i reach, those people ard full the block A sitting on the floor, lining up! Thank god i saw Chee lim and Steve's gang. So, as usual i break into the line. yeah! The door open at 8.25am, we rushed in cutting all the line.haha..

Some fella kinda angry with us... scold us with rude words la.

Then, Chee Lim said ' Come and beat me la!!' follow with Steve. Some of the girls also cutting line infront of me >.<" The announcement made claiming that FBF faculty student might go first because of the management problem. We stand up immediately from the middle row having though that fella infront might going behind, So we sit in the very front row. YeaH! I'm the last 3 person to go..which mean the second round i will going to submit this bloody thingy. LOLs

So lucky can submit the PTPTN form with them, if not i might be in the hall now waiting my turn =) lucky day!

**nah, here's the photo.. i'm using the boyfriend's lappy now... =)

moody day...

2009-08-19T23:52:00.005+08:00

Today PTPTN stuff really very sucks larr.. woke up 6.30am, after breakfast with Ivan at 9am only going campus. So many people in the line as expected. I saw Kelvin then i cut into the line..really embarressed but i have no choice i dont want to queue behind, outside the block A. T-T

The Utar management really very lousy, they didnt manage the line earlier.. causing the line didnt move at all, those Thick-face fella just cut the line and finish it with 5mins. I reached at 9.30am and waited till 12pm but i got nothing done.. i getting so mad and fire up when the idiot guard interfered with our line and asked me to come back after 2pm!! what the hell??

i get so MAD and i get out from the crowded line and asked Ivan to go back with me.. really damn the management. Those who come later than us already settled their stuff and we're still in the fucking line!!

Anywhere, i plan to come back at 4pm and i thought the people getting lesser because the event ends at 5pm. I called Keon, he said.. "still damn many people! better come back tmrw!" I nudge him just now, he told me that he ard settle the stuff at 7pm! WHAT?? 7pm? The PTPTN staff really good at managing time. Many people complaining about their legs bla bla bla because of PTPTN and some of them even waited for 6hours. >.<"

And now, i think i should be going back tomorrow for the PTPTN stuff EARLIER than today. AND i swear, i wont be nice anymore lining up following the line. GRR!!

**opps, my hp encounter some problem which i couldnt transfer photo to my lappy. =(

sorry, i shall upload the photo later =)

WISH me good Luck tomorrow babe =p

NOW it's time to rest.. my throat still pain. *sniff*

busy day

2009-08-18T23:28:00.007+08:00

Im back after the whole week MC.. dont have connection at home and so laptop for me to online.. i dont want to sick anymore!! stay away from me please =) i still have a bad soar throat and a very very huge ulcer.. *hurt* so much when i eat.. hope it helps me in diet.haaa

Today been a very busy day, skipped 1 class for PTPTN stuff. its alot to do with all the certification blahhh blaa.. Tomorrow the staff coming to campus to collect all the documents. i hate this kind of event, sure the Uni will be packed with alot alot of studentsss...*hmph*

YEah, Micro class have been postponed to Friday for tomorrow purpose =) dont have to do tutorial tonight and rest early ^^

Its feel like first time attending class after the sick, very tiring and felt weird in the quite known environment.. lol honestly, i've been missing attending class with feelllaass friends.. huhu sick is really bad for having me to lay on bed whole day without doing anything and the headachesss is barely standable. duhh.. seek for consultation twice =( sounds bad right... nah, im far way from H1N1.. lols..

Read from papers, for whom sick from cough, flu, fewer bla bla will be fine for not wearing mask! weird right? Where can i get mask now.. its low in the market.. even Guardian finished stock *duhh.* wondering how was it like tomorrow, sure alot of people wearing mask and I will be the weird ones without mask.. haha *__*

i will be uploading the picturess tomorrow.. sorry. im way too lazy to upload them now..haha its the bedtime... nights everyone =) *yawnn* muaXxx..

birthday girl...

2009-08-11T00:38:00.009+08:00

Celebrated my birthday on 9august =D The first cake is on the 1am with shi wen, sheng nie, kelvin, nix, the bf, and sin yee.. who else?? =X

my memory getting weaker day by day and getting worst after the bang wall incident on last Thursday=(

very special event, snake celebrating with me =D the cobra!!!

soo uninvited and freak all of us.. the cobra is very small and young but very very fierce..

when sin yee pass by the cobra, the snake rear up his head and hissing loudly.. =x

the gentleman Nix killed it with the big stick asked by the Indian neighbour, he cannot kill because their god is the cobra itself =)

die and burnt

Sunday night celebrated birthday with family, cousin and dear.. photo is with bro now.. so I'll update more soon =D

I receive many present from them.. thanks very much!! *hearts*

and i would also love to thanksss all my friendssssssss for the wishing and remember my birthday =)

I'M BACK !!

2009-08-06T17:13:00.009+08:00

HEyy.. its really been ages i didnt update my blog =)

After degree, im getting busy in daily life with tutorial, friends and my new members,chubby.. its a present from the bf=)

he's adorable right? =D

today is a very good day for me, Chubby finally allow to come back from veteranian after the jump-cupboard incident =X Promise me, there's NO second time dear.

i just finish my last presentation for this sem.. not doing well because too anxious!

This month hp get barred because over use T-T because Lun is coming to Kampar and sms alotsss !! @@

This Saturday having 3 midterm straight from 4pm to 8pm =( dont have much time to study...and its really too much for us!! very suffering...

new ID for Degree.. the revolution of us- fishhyy, me and IvanC =D

okay, gtg now.. its time to study and struggle hard from this midterm... luck to me yah =)

welcoming concert ^^

2009-06-14T02:50:00.004+08:00

Today went to the welcoming concert with Kelvin, Ivan, Nie, Wen & Sin Yee!
kinda boring for some performance.. but really amazed some in the same time[=
they really do their very best on the stage to rock the Utar Heritage =p
went back at 1pm, eat at IRC with ivan n kelvin ^^

is it zero absolute ar?? forgotten =p

in the concert la.. ^^

porridge in IRC.. =D

have a short Deep conversation with Kelvin & nix.
i've nothing to comment.. but the fault is everybody.
NOT really 1 person who make mistake. everyone does........
its depend whether you change it to better or not?!
sorry if i sound harsh..im too emotional XD

Today Kampar finally raining.. haha ^^
many kamparians was happy about it =p
at night go yamcha at MM then go lake to take cold and fresh air ^^
its another valentine today.. my friends are selling flowers and balloon..
sorry la dear, cant help u by buying because they're my friend.. [=
reached home at 1am.. nice chatting with them =D

what do yo rather choose?
to love or to be loved?? *__*
its a quite tough decision to make.. lolx
many of them wants to be loved.. =>
who doesnt?? but will you be able to live with the one u dont love?
or... what if u found someone that u really love? ;D

**i know she's pretty...
[= just let me know when u don't love me anymore **

to love or to be loved..... ^^

MC day ^^

2009-06-12T11:48:00.002+08:00

yesterday fall sick..
went to PMC to consult doctor..
waited for 30-40mins.. such a long time!! when i enter the room...guess what?
i kinda amazed with the doctor.. he explain to me 1 by 1 like im a small kid@@
i never meet such a good doctor b4..he explain more clearly than the nurse =='
PMC very affordable lar..only RM25 ^^
then went pasar to eat behooon soup! many foOds are not allowed to eat. PANTANG told by the doctor== am i that serious?? [=

reach home chat with ivan, my new classmate! he's a very nice guy to chat =D
hope our friendship never ends =)

yesterday is a kinda weird day!! alot of friends call me to tell their stories..
kelvin is very unhappy now.. i unds how u feel..
nomatter what, i will always be there for you.. when u feel lonely.. just tell me..
but apologize me if i deny u.. because im busy sometimes^^
keon, dont put love too hard for yourself.
be loved n to be love is a very difficult things to choose [=
anyway, time will prove it all.. dont worry^^
and pls dont make decision in a hury.. its not good for both to hurts..
BUT i will keep track on HER for ya.. whee~~
jiawen,its been a long time u didnt called me.. haha.
sorry last time i didnt answer your call because i busy with my studies[=
atlast i know where u gone for such a long time^^haha
dont worry my dear, even she's not your gf, you still can be friend.
friend is better than couple.. am i right? i know you will support what i said.
be strong ^^ there are still alot of girls lar.. its not extinct yet..
wait for the fate.. and she will be yours[=
WE ARE still very very young le... dont called yourself sami lar!! ishh =(
ONE last thing, Kelvin pls dont play around with LOVE !!@@
suddenly u told me that u love a tb! OMG.. its like i cant believe it..
even me u said im very rude.. TB more rude lar ok??
but i will still support u lar.. haha..
i believe your words lar.. i hope it will come true lor..haha ^^
hope got 100% changes lor blek =p

yesh, Vin get me the Welcomeing tickets ohh ^^
this is the second yr i can go again [=
Oh MI gOOOSh !! dont know should feel happy or not ar..
i just been told that the concert is at 10am !! i got class at 9.30am nia.zzz
dont know should feel happy OR not??!!! ishhh ~ ~ ~

___________________________________________________

baby,
sometimes im been feeling sad.
we're happy together.. but somehow, i felt you dont understand me enough.
i guess there's a gap between us =(
and i very very mind how much your ex stay in your heart.
maybe u dont think its a very big deal.. but i do mind about it very much!
RC & the msn favourite.
yes, its a very small matter..
but through all this small matter, i can see how much important of her in your heart =((
sometimess.. i just feel like giving up all those thing.. but i know you will say its not worth..
Julai we are going to be 1year.. time passing so fast right? [=
honestly, baby... it will not make me feel better about that..i dont want to feel sad,
and i dont want to ask u to stop it.. i want it to be by your heart...
i dont want to tell you everything to make things better because...
i know, its only to make me feel better... the things wouldnt change in your heart..
to the point, i feel no secure if things keep on like this...**

hope my sick recover very very very fast soon^^ yeah~ ~

another day.........

2009-03-12T22:49:00.005+08:00

one more unhappy colour today..
his appeal had failed..that's mean he have to stay one more semester for the repeated subject =((
in another words, im going to degree alone T.T
feel like we are in the different world..
feel like u're smaller than me..!! haha ^^
too old to play alot and wasting time on studies....perhaps.
i think u should get smart &pass those subject & graduate faster !!!!!!!
dont play so much... u're not young anymore !!!
always remember our 10yrs plan ok? ^~^

so long didnt update blog le.. haha ^^
lazy during sem brake..bcuz house line is damn damn lag !~
today i conduct the discussion with shirley.. very happy..
atlast, i can feel that im not useless ^^ hahahaha =D
hope they can give me their term on time bcuz i have to do the intro, abstract and conclusion.. !! [=
hope we really can work well together..since this is our short short last sem !! ^^
just now dinner at oldtown eat ngar bou kai fan.
saw Vin ar.. he like so chuan gam!! =((
i saw his fairlady AGL ~~ haha =D

today i know many friend from F$.
i really addicted to it.. i hope i can learn financing there as stock is y interest now even its a fake money.. but its my satisfaction !!! roar ~~ hehex

very miss lun ar~~ hope can meet him soon!!!
when will u come n join us back?
i very miss genting & safari time.. haha

everything is still a lie...

2009-02-04T04:13:00.003+08:00

love?
im asking myself.. am i still believe in love in this moment?

im too naive before this.
i trust people easily..
I swear at this moment, i'll never...be the same ye shin again!

i understand one thing right on this moment..ON this second..

in a relationship, the most scary thing is...NOT we know there's no ending for us in the future.
it is..the feeling that being cheated but you have to hide it deep inside..to wait for the right time to talk about it.

i still remember how i ever curse my farking ex last time when he cheat me for having another person in our relationship. i still remember how much i love him that time...
but thank god, god had lead me the way back to the right track..
it's still fresh in my mind how...much i suffer during the time to forget him.
and its still very very fresh in my mind every word that he talk & speak to melt my farking naive heart..

and now.. the history is back again...

for this moment, i don't want to mention anything.. as it will effect both of our studies & final exam.

i'll let ya know...
i'll never lie the one i love!

&

i'll let ya know...
u'll regret for the rest of your life... [=

how does it feel??..

2009-02-01T20:52:00.003+08:00

how does it feel to be......

yesterday he very cold to me.
i guess its because of the sickness he had.
wish he will get well so0n...because tomorrow is the day-- final of sem2 ! duh..

today i was totally worry about him the whole day when i was at aunt's house.
on the way back to kampar, i was thinking... what i want to eat with him, is there porridge at kampar?, or... did i need to take away from ipoh?
i was about to call him...be i was afraid that im disturbing his sleeping.
when i reach kampar, i had send him a msg asking him to call me after he woke up..& i was falling asleep on the bed!
after i wake up, he told me that he...was eating with En at U restaurant.
i was really wondering.........
really wondering....... =(
what is the worth to worry and care for him.. and what is the return???

how does it feel?.........
when you know your bf/gf is missing another person when you're together?
when u know your bf/gf is calling another person as their beloved?
when you know he/she is doing something wrong but...u dont know how to start it?
how does it feel when...you're the one he love eventhough he's in the relationship?
or... when you know he stil love her when he is your bf?
love?

wondering....

wat a life?

2008-12-27T17:38:00.001+08:00

suddenly not feeling good tim.
my mama say i treat ppl too good wor..
be jo water fish... =.="

think ha think ha real geh... haihs
because i feel that i really dont have real friend now.
most of my friend be friend with me because they want to use me.... sob
i not mean to count for everything la.. but this is real.
go to campus, have to fetch they all but then did they really care about me?
did they ever feel like thanks me for fetching them to campus?
what they gave me?
huibin, i dont know how to say. he love to offence me.
i didnt mean to say like that... its just that i really cant tahan with his attitude sometimes.
the way he talk to me... its liike.... he is looking down on me.. come on, i have my own life!!
who are u to care about me?
kelvin, ok... he love to jokes.. but sometimes i really mind for what he had said..
for example, he love to comment about ah goik, ok.. go for it.
i dont mind.. BUT is it your problem when i be with him? can u respect me for who i am and who i be with??
yiehuan, ok.. i know u have your own thinking... i know you pretty pity because u need to depends on us.. i know you're all alone here... but then, can u think for what we could feel in our situation??
fish, i had no comment on him.. he really a nice person. he also the same waterfish like me..
i remember what u told me before, i dont have to tolerate with anyone, because i got my own life. DONT because of them.. you have to keep everything inside. because of share ticket you have to torelate with them? n waste more money on petrol.. its really doesnt make sence... BUT promises had made me into this situation.... hmm
lastly, shirley.... yep, she's my only friend in this campus.. she can share everything with me.. i really appreciate you. i hope our friendship wont last. [=
ok.. finally, my beloved.
i dont mean to mention anythg.. but sometimes... i just keep in heart lo...

my hing dai..
eric... yep. i know you got your own attitude. i have no doubt about it.
i guess sometimes its our communication problem..
for wat u feel it is very important.. for me its just a very small case.
nah, even we no sms often. doesnt mean that our friendship will lesser each day.
everybody have their way to be social.
i had no doubt if u doesnt like my boy for your doubt.
i dont mind. its between u guys.
i really dont unds, is it got love then no friends?
y u love to make connection between this?? =.=" zzz
all of them.. u all go yamcha also use my car. dont u feel something is wrong?
i dont mean to count.. but in common sence.. is boy who going to pay all that?
duh....
i dont mean to discriminate gender... BUT this is manners.
hmm..watever la...
guan de la....
in fact, me in this world or not... NO PEOPLE do care about it.

its just me.... too bad to be good...

feel like many ppl used me.. haihs........... =(

a weird christmas ^^

2008-12-27T13:54:00.002+08:00

i just came back from KL.
wat a great experience travel along myself and meet them at Pudu on tuesday.
qin welcome me at Pudu [=
take rapid kl bus go xiao hei place to stay then go her working place to hang out.lol
at night go yamcha around her place at Genting Klang.
my first impression of Genting Klang.
"apa ini? places between Genting & Klang??wat a big diffrence!!"
hahaa.... its a place near utar setapak actually.
but i didnt see utar pun? ish

wednesday, sunny day.
11pm take rapid KL bus go TimeSquarez and Sg Wang^^
damn excited because we are going to meet MeiMei, WangHou and Pika there...hurayss!!
having so much fun with them... talk talk talk.. walk walk walk...
yummy.. brought a nice dress...huhu^^
so damn pain ar my legs.. wearing a high heel. not so high la.. but then stil pain..wuwu
then go find another shoe to replace my high heel.
finaalllly brought a rm20 shoe.. quite ok la...white colour also.
no choice bcuz have to tahan until tonight countdown wor..
very excited but then.............atlast,
Qin's bro accident. she cry.. omg.
all mood also falllll apart ard.
didnt go for countdown, all of us take monorail to go home =(
i though it would be my first year to enjoy countdown as i never before.
but then....nvm la.. we all also dont wish for it.
i hope that her bro will get well very soOn!! pray hard k...
went back home damn tired.. feel like my legs is going to broke like that..wuuwuu.... =S
they all sumore wanna go yamcha because very very hUngry. lol
not in my mind that we countdown in xiao hei's lil small room.haha...
pass our christmas there... hehe =D
still alot of fun la bcuz got friend ma.. hehex muax muax

so sad ler.. qin have to go home tmrw. means i also have to go home too..wuuwuu
go home on christmas...

thursday, sunny day.
9pm send qin go out.
then 11.30pm we go out lu.. go home lu....
Pika say wan go shopping sin wor..
then we go time square again lo since she didnt shop yesterday.
she meet us at night.. hoho bcuz work oh^^
imagine i have to bring along my luggage!! omg...
to shop.. stupid la. dont have locker de wor time square! so dissappppointeeeddd~~~ =S
so pain la whole body... my face also pale jo.. cuz damn damn damn heavy.
pika offer to take for me but i paiseh le... haha ^0o^
2.30pm take monorail go bak le...go KL central buy KTM back kampar
BUT no ticket wor..
me alone go Pudu le... haihs
so sked.. i what also duno de la... have to go alone wor..haihs
go there, not pudu lai de...
at petaling street wor.. zadou... how? how?
sei lo... i die le..
when i get down from Bus, i saw got ppl snatch bag le...so damn scared.
i really going to cry that time... i have no way to go. i dont know where am i... omg..
thank god fish is at pudu, he help me all the way.
i so touch when i saw him running around searching for me..
thanks you, i really proud to have u as my friend.^^
thanks fish. may god bless you for your kindness.
honestly, without him.. i dont know where am i now.
i've been running all the way round without knowing where am i.
thank god, im safe now. fuhh~
mum, i wont go anywhere alone again.
i really scared i cant see u all again...
pudu is really a dangerous place to go...
thank god.
6.40pm reached kampar.
take taxi home alone again... wuhu...
cost me rm5?? wat the F.
hmmm....
stay one night alone at kampar....

friday, sunny day.
go back hometown at 12pm after go dobby.
on the way back, i really feel... "thanks to god for saving me!"
hmm [=

2008-12-06T00:35:00.003+08:00

FINALLY finished all the midterm test except for Sociology.I expect for higher marks on Mass Com, management and web page design.so far, i got my marketing 50/75 (higher than what i've expected!), 22.5/30 for management and labtest for 6marks over 10(too lil!!!!!). haihs. what had i become?? why i study so hard..(not very hard la..BUT i tried!) the result is okok only?? why they can score higher marks? not very happy with my memorizing skill..i have a very bad memo. even if u asking me about the management thingy now,i will take a very very very damn long period to answer. omg. haihs.

i was getting soooooo moody now.
pretty emo..
sometimes i wonder why?
why should i... going through all this?
i try to give up before...
im wondering how many people could manage? er...accept that their loved ones still close with their ex?
maybe this is only a very small matter... but i really couldnt accept it.
i try to convinced myself, u're right..
but when i remember back what u had did...
i felt stupid.
Am i going to trust u just like that? why?
why must i make it so hard for my life?
why dont i just kick it off... and be single back?
is it so good to be single? dont have any doubt.
why when i really angry at you, after ur few words.. i start to forgive you??

after some while, when i was alone... i start to think...
what is our relationship about?
the meaning of LOVE getting far from me...
i really dont believe what is our future will turn into..BUT i just appreciate it.
sometimes i was angry and scold you out of sudden because i expect something higher from you... i always dissapointed.
i really expect something higher...
something that cant mean by words...
me myself dont know what is that all about..

why i cant believe u like my ex?
he meet his ex, i dont have feeling..
i very trust him that he wont play me, i know how much he love me.
i know.. im truly sorry that i hurt you that much.
i didnt let you know that i love the guy...
the guy who is else where now...with his gf.
but now, i dont feel any about that..because i'd let it go..
frankly, because of this... i was really afraid that i lost the second chance again.

i think too much again...
time to rest now........
tired of emo-ing.

tmrw have to wake up early for MV.

ipoh for movie & pc fair.

should i back home for my mum? i miss her....^^
ma, ngai oi ngi...ngi hee shi gai siong zui liang..zui woi tai ai ah mak.
ngai hee mong ngi yit yit hoi hoi sim sim... mm oi siong sim..
muacks!!~

i lOve you,
you love me...
we are happy family...
with a great BIG hug & a kiss from me to you..
wont you say u love me too.... ^^ haha

meaningless promises

2008-11-07T12:12:00.002+08:00

yesterday having discussion at huibin's house as usual.
im the one who edit sociology thingy, sadly we dont have enough info for the gerontology and so-called remedies? swt.
i've finished the ageism & gerontology which is the first question out of three. [=

so happy, i can finally play Spore.
i say ard la.. its the direct X fault!!
have to download the new version.. but Fish lor~~ dont want to trust me.
my laptop reinstall Spore for thousand of times d.. sienx jor =X

around 12am, bb calling me asking where am i, bla bla and bla blahh..
"can i smoke tonight?"
i said, "no!"
"please..."
"whatever la... dont want to talk di..bye"
"yer..bb dont like this la.. I DONT WANT SMOKE lorr.."

atlast, he smoke.

where is the promises to keep me believe on?
msn.
"are you sure u can stop smoking?"
"SURE"

trust.

how important or powerful my word can be for you to hear my advices?

i feel myself too minute for you to keep in your heart..... =X

tired.
getting so restless....

hurt & disappointed to the max.

2008-10-30T02:07:00.003+08:00

my sense is not wrong at all..
what my heart telling me is never wrong...

today I log in his msn and i view the history between him & his ex.
so sorry. i doesnt mean that i dont believe you...my curiosity, doubt & suspect is too heavy to make me trust u anymore.
i dont understand why u wanna play me like this.
i very hate myself now.. i feel myself soooo dirty.
im very scared..i dont understand how people can have two relationship in their heart.
what the fuck is happening??? im not blind.
i'm wrong to believe u... i shouldnt believe you anymore after your ex visiting last time.

this is the answer for all the question that im wondering all this while.

i understand why u never put me in the first place.
u though I AM what????
something that u can have two ??
doll ??
when u want me, u take me...
when u dont want me, u put me aside!!?

i got feelings!!!!!! why u wanna play me like this??

fine.
i know i dont worth this way. i DESERVE better.
its my choice to be with u. i wont blame u.
i'll NOT FORGET how do you make me feel.

so much for the happy ending.

special deepa :D

2008-10-28T16:44:00.003+08:00

this year I celebrating deepa for the f**kin' first time with Vin da' cutie baby & Navin da' candu =D
craziest night ever.. doing last minute shopping on deepa eve ;D
went parade $ parkson for shop.
Vin buy smart formal from Urban while Navin get casual wear from SODA ^^
they are the last customer for deepa eve at parkson *__*

on the way back to Kampar, switching to plan B, BBQ at navin's house because dont have food for us... we're late and his cousin eating BIG !! well, the curry is damn f**kin nice <<3
we went Tesco,kampar for the charcoal, chicken & liquor !
damn disappointed when the WINE kiosk closed. wth...
no liquor no party man.
VIN cAme out with the idea to clubbing at penang.. wohhhseh... crazy ler..
NavIN said "better rush back to Ipoh for the liqour." LOLs

[[ THE FAMOUS GROUSE ]]

crazy..!! odw back after liquor, NAVIN bought BARCELONA lighter !! woohh...
mule la... i start to have my very first cig that night..
didnt take in.. just playing with the smoke in mouth...damn. since when i became so nottyyyy baby?? XD
Its really nice to know them..
i learn a lot from them...and they chilling me ^^
LOVE THEM HELL LOTSsssa... *hearts*

today i really not very happy.
bb i love you.. but im not happy.
when being with you, i dont feel secure.
because i felt you hide many things from me.
trust. if you want me to trust you, u should be honest with me.
i know when you're cheating...i just pretending that i don't know.
honey, i know and remember lots of thing that u told me.most of them from your mouth.
i just wonder why are you cheating me... *hurts*
i want to love you more, but deep deep in my heart asked me to stop.
the heart tells me that i'll get hurt by the end of the time.
im soooo scared honey.
i hate the feeling of alienated especially from the one i love.
i scared i will leave you one day..
i know you dont want me to think a lot and you feel there's nothing for cheating.
but u know what? i prefer you be honest even i'll get hurt.
atleast i know..
msn. i know something happen with you & your ex.
i really feel unsecured.. i feel like...Im not the only one you love!
so hard to comfort my heart sometimes because they keep asking me to stop...
i scared i'll heartbroken to the max one day =(

please make me feel better for godsake.

im waiting for changes that could change my though toward you.
i want your care..

one more thing, i feel like.. im not important for you.
i always wonder... it seems like your friend are more important than me.
why do i feel like that?
you can go out earlier for the gals in the morning.
you can spend time on dota with your housemate till late night instead of me.
you prefer sleeping the whole day long when im with you....

is there any way to save me back to the right track?
i need you....because i love you.

****
oh yea, wenjin the lil boy.
heard that he got gf ard. shooot!!!!!~
im so freak off when i heard about that..
my mum is true i guess.... sob.
i prefer to be loved than to love ones who dont appreciate me the way it should be.
i wish you & your loved ones happy always. [=
chances come and go.. appreciate the chances because chances might not coming twice ^^

^carol 翌心^

aihs..

2008-10-23T23:25:00.002+08:00

i dont feel happy.
i want to be happy..

zzz..

goin back tomorrow.

missing my mum..

i dont feel like staying here..
i wanna meet Matthew!!
i know he can make me smile.. [=

is there anything that can make me happy??
zzzz

sad carol =(

IM BACK. hohox

2008-10-11T23:50:00.002+08:00

FINALLY i reach kampar d after 3weeks holiday.
so bored!... no place to go.
always stay at home dreaming & think many rubbish!
always stay at home ar, not crazy also die ar! haihs.
so kelian..
i just want to relax my mind mer.. but dont have chance.so sad!
bb sick jo wor..
so ke lian ar..
thought can spend this 2days with him de...
but he no energy to walk also..haih
nvm lar...
bb dont think so much le la..
i love you^^

mistake that you never know..

2008-10-09T20:24:00.005+08:00

dont know what is going on.
seems like im not myself anymore..
im lost.
i hate myself for not knowing what is wrong & right.
even i knew, i tend to continue doing the wrong thing...
please bring me back to the right track!~

today i really unhappy.
i had a little quarrel with my mum before going back Kampar.
she asked me not to go so early because she need me to accompany her to attend a meeting at Hillcity at friday night.
but i had promised my boy.
i dont want to brake promise.
i hate people brake promise. real hate!
she so angry and say ' u go la.. i dont want u!'
i know she dont mean that way..
i know there's a reason why she wanted me to go with her so much.
i know i know.. i never get wrong.
atlast, i calmed down myself..
i go to her office.. and i promise her to come back by tonight or 2moro morning.
she say.. 'okays.'
i knew she felt guitly for talking that way to me..
i never keep in heart.
i know there's a reason for it.
i wont ask.. as she calm down, she will tell me... i know.
i love you mum!
im sorry...

so, i went Kampar.
and i feel so stupid to go Kampar for him.
its a real sucks feeling i ever had.
Oh the way to Kampar, i really feel happy because i can meet him at last.
i really so happy...i think of many ways to give him a surprise.
i thought when i going to reach, i would give him a call.
so that he will come out and help me to carry with the stuff.
Im wrong.
when i call him for fun. he dont even bother.
he dont seems to drop by a while to help me with those things.
its really a common sense that i've lots of things to be clean and pack.
i tell myself, 'im wrong that i appear today and i did a stupid mistake that make my mum angry'
i not even eat anything from morning.
i thought to take lunch with him..
but it doesnt seem to be that way...
why?
there's many question appear in my mind.
i wonder how important am i to you?
you still remember? i ask you..how and what i do when i see you 2weeks later?
i always think that you will welcome me..you will smile at me and help me with the stuff together...
but its turned up side down.
and i really up sad.
when i was cleaning my room, i hears your voice screaming happily with your friends.
i'm happy that your okay BUT deep inside..i felt so hurt.
did you ever care about my feelings???

u go back penang so long ard.
i guess u had such a nice time with your friend ard.
u cant even spends a few minute with me to welcome me?
cant u just make me feel better??

after finished cleaning, im really hungry to death.
i call vin to accompany me to eat.
when i was in car, its raining outside.
i saw you running to my gate.
u felt weird that the gate locked.
i drive my car off imediately.
i had no way to go... but i scared i will soft hearted.
i want u to care me..

i get your call few minutes later..
i thought you will ask me where am i and ask me back?
Im wrong again.
haha.. u are asking for the wireless?!
wth..
u come for the wireless instead of me?
does it mean that if there are no streamyx at my house, u dont even bother?
u dont even come to meet me?
omg.
what the hell am i doing all the way?

anywhere i really appreciates that i've meet Vin.
he really makes me happy.
he is the one who shows me that he cares.
thanks Vin.
i knew i never have a friend as good as you.
thanks for everything !

after finished eating, u called me again.
not for me.. BUT for your results.
i really understand how u feel about the resit.
i felt sorry for you..i dont know how to help you.
its too late.
at first, i thought of telling you whats make me not happy today.
at last i dont.
i know you sad for your results, i dont want to burden u anymore.
i keep everything inside...
no way to throw it out.
it's hurts.

on the way back,
vin and ah gor sms me to ask me to becareful. Its raining and bla bla.
i dont feel happy instead i feel more sad for myself.
why they care me so much but not u??
im asking myself...
who are you for me??
i feel myself so useless...
i miss the feeling before we're together.
when will that feeling come back to me?
i hope that im dreaming for everything that happened today....
I want to keep ONLY sweet memories about us!

FINALLy, i know why my mum wanted i attend the meeting so much now.
my dad??
how could him?
he's going with my clerk?
wtf !
what the hell in his mind?
why not he go with my mum since the meeting needs 2 people to attend?
i know my mum is not good in B.M !
please dont hurt her.
she's the best mum in this world for me..
nobody can replaced her. i know i know.
dad you cant do this to my mum..
i cant even stand what i feel now in my relationship.
how could she?
she can do anything for us..she needs to do things at home and office.
did she ever say anything or even complaining??

now i know.
i didnt make a wrong decision.
i get back home.
to drink her soup and i will attend the meeting with her to replace them.
i hope my mum will feel better.
atleast she know... i will support her no matter what is going to happen.

i hope after tears, i could feel better for anything.
i just want to be myself for what i am.
NO offense dear.
tis is what i feel...

courages..

2008-10-05T22:19:00.002+08:00

today I'm not very happy. i very scared.
I don't want to think but i cant.
where is the courage in me?
i need somebody to talk...
i very pain ar!
i want to tell but i don't have the courages.
i keep lying to myself..
this morning i woke up, i lay on my bed..
i think lots of thing..
I'm thinking should i continue to be like this?
i rewind back what have i done..
i done something big in my life.. and i still doing it!
i really stupid until i can't differentiates what is wrong and right..
i really very pain.
I'm thinking should i stop doing it and love myself more..
i don't know who should i tell, if i tell them.
they will hate & ask me to stop..
i shouldn't be in this way.
i need the courage to speak up..
i feel myself really useless...
i always lie that I'm ok BUT NOW i cant lie myself anymore.

who can cure me?
i don't want to hide in my room and cry alone.
i need someone to give me a shed.
lend me a shoulder..
someone who will support me and show me cares.

I feel very lonely.

where are u?

seems like I'm lost again...

2008-10-02T15:56:00.002+08:00

haihs.
i dont know what to say..
i feel like that gaps between us getting bigger and bigger each day.
we dont have things to say anymore...
JUST *speechless*
reply msges with hehe haha.
very no point.

i dont know what you're busying with everyday.
i dont seems to ask.. =]
i just hope that you'll be honest with me for everything.
i wish that you will do as you promise, i wont ask for anything.
i'll just hope you will automatically come & tell me.
but i wont force you.

i feel myself very useless.

in a relationship, this wont happen.
i want to share anything with you.
nothing else.

..........sad
i'll pretend that im happy.
i scared you will leave me....

[im always me]^^

whatCOULDiSAY?

2008-10-02T03:20:00.003+08:00

this few days i really think alot.
i think back my past relationship and the recent one.
sometimes i really wonder... what is the problem which is soooo important that i could feel and i can actually decide to end them?
when people ask me, why and whats the reason u end your relationship?
i just say I'm just bored with them! its actually not.
it's attitude. yep, it is..
what? i know my attitude is not as good as best.
BUT i do mind.
a simple things can show what kind of person you are.
I'm a girl who will always put love in the first place..
its sure that i need the feeling of..im the only one.
what i put in front n what i put behind?
what people can see is i leave them behind.
but what i could feel is the point.
yea. i know its hurt that i have to end it.
i really care what and how they make me feel.....
in the first place i will think.. why am i need u with me?
all i need is just make sense yet simple things.
its between me and you.
i want to be with you because i need you.. i want to share everything. im ready to spend my time for the stupidest thing i could do only with you... everything...
why couldn't i feel it that way for all my relationship that i had.
is it wrong with me?
all the way out, im thinking whether should i choose him?
now i know, its not.
the problem is come from him..
i just want to be respected for who i am and who i am when we're together.
i hate being treated like a kids.
i dont wish the same thing happened on me again like my 2cd ex.
i dont want to end the relationship up..
i hope in the relationship.. there's no anythg hidden between us.
its just simple.

i want to say it out.
but i dont know how to say.
write is better than to speak.
to speak is harder than to write.
but its safer to write than to speak.

there's still alots of things i want to mention.
but i really tired...

at first i though i want to follow my friend to penang.
but i think... its better not to go.
i need to rest.
i dont want to care anything as much as i do.
so much i wish i could feel better now...& ever!

i want to spend more time on my own.
since my friend will not coming to visits..

i hate apologies.

too much to care, nothing in return.

i'll be leave behind like always..
.

I'm back!!~

2008-09-28T23:19:00.003+08:00

tis few days didn't write blog ler..
1st, no line!
2cd, cant use local area connection!! sux.. setting prob~~ yerr....
3rd, house line slow.
4th, busy dreaming!!
5th, wait bb sms me till forget blogging .. kakakakka =X
6th, thinking on something...... zzzz

i think i must say something lor..
if not, no people understand me wor..
nobody know what i want...
write is better than say de...

i feel myself very bad le somehow.
he write there 'i miss last year de today!'
actually after my NS, i got try to find u back.
but i was like... no feel anymore.
when i be with u, i really cares but i dont have the feeling of future.
i dont mean to play your feelings.. but i just... don't.
and somehow, your attitude? not to say attitude.. erm, like i see all th way u treat people.
its like.. u're not my type that i want lo..haih.
i dont know how to say ler..
i hope u understand lar..
i dont want to mention anything, cuz i just want u to be yourself.
i dont want u to change because of me..
i just want to be a real person...
i though i explained it last time.....i hope u know k.
i dont wish to give up... i just dont wish to continue lying to myself.
im sorry!! =]
all the time we had together had been keep as the memories..
its a part of our life..
come & let go~

** to be contine.. ahaks
lazy ard... kui3

another day...

2008-09-24T22:40:00.003+08:00

dar..i shouldn't think like that ler yesterday...
but sometimes i can't... yesterday u say like that really hurt le =(
but i no angry u lar^^
u are my bb mer...
bb i very miss u ler...

today do nothing ar..
just pui bb sms awhile lo..
bb so guai go daddy office wor today..
but go there talk with girls only la...
hahaha ^^ bb no do things de..
just be siu ye zai there... lols
i not same ler... i go JPJ with daddy ar..
by van nia... sun burning. no air cond.
but enjoying ler...can pui daddy mer... =D

today woke up at 1pm.
actually plan to go Clearwater Sanctuary with WaiKit nia..
but he suddenly tell me he got call from college ler..
maybe.... its da faith. hohoho~~~
then end up go eat with Eric lor.. since so long never see him =)
then i say KongChun lor..haha
paktor at MarryBrown.
then they walk back home very funny de... like the girl's security guard.
what to do... her mom doesn't allow her to have bf.
and yau he scared!!....
but they happy in this way ar! we nothing to say lor =P
after that play McD game lo cause think of bb.
haha.. not bad ler.. but i always bankrupt ler.. siao larr!!
so angry.. the cow never grow like that..
the people no burger sell.... yerr
if i do business ar, sure die jor de XD

today mr.sel ask me why i take BA le..
i dont know how to answer him...because i also don't quite know.
shit ar. haih... so big liao do what also dont know de.haih..
but i know this road which i choose is good de.. hmmm
i should have told him im interested in.

bb sleeping wor.
dont know he eat mei ler?
bath mei ler?
why so tired de wor?
hmm.... miss him so much ler^^
muackss!~
i love my pig bb . hehehe =D
FIVEdays didnt see LamHong ler..hmm...

i really dont understand..

2008-09-23T23:28:00.002+08:00

ar..
b i told what i want to tell u just now actually.
i also dont understand..
if we know we are not belong to each other in the future, why still carry on?
i hate doing things that dont have result and ending in the end.
i really didnt angry you.
i was angry myself for loving you.. really.
why can i being so stupid??
..............................no right to say that i am wrong, bcuz we are in the same ship.

i know why u doesnt seems like care me alot.
because im not your gf. i know..dats y..
when u need me, u will come to me.
when u dont need me, you will leave me alone.
i know.....
is it too late to know?

sometimes when i think back,
i also dont know why i love some1 who is not my bf? why ah??
is not like... i dont have ppl to love me?
haih.. i know somewhere is wrong, but i just couldnt stop myself from doing it.
i know u will think... i yuan yi de..
yea, i am...
im wrong..........

i need people to respect me for who i am.
i dont worth that way..
i know one day, i will be success and besides me will be someone who will hold me hand and leads me to where i am belong...
i am the girl who will always put LOVE in front.
without love, we wont be here in this very second...

wondering.. pondering..... powderful??

2008-09-23T11:38:00.003+08:00

yesterday went sauna at Perdana..
its very hot nia.. like going to faint inside that hand-made box room. haha...
after the 30mins inside the box, i tak tahan d..
i sit outside and take in air..by the time, i only understand what is the meaning of real hot.. lols
whole body wet.. cloths wet, hair wet... then face red like red red apple - blushing. ^^

after the progress, going back home.
i heard the car emergency brake sound... *bom*
i was freak off, my mum said she didnt heard anything.
then i ignore it and keep on driving.
suddenly when i was about the junction of petronas,
i saw something huge in the middle of road..
i was totally blur for a moment.. i though it was a dog..
but then my mum clarify that it was a human.. a man!! lying on the double line without moving.
i was like ' omg! what the hell happened?'
i saw the HILUX who had hit the man came out the car and was calling for help.
my mum was screaming?? swt.. she please me to drove off. lols
'BUT i not yet finish watching la, my dear!'
'just go.. just go!! later he asked our help!!'
'hmm.... okay *haih* '
i drove off and she talked about it till we reached home.. haha
when i stops at the gate, she went out the car and reach for my dad and tell the story again.. hahaks
so cute ler she! muahh!!~

feels so hungry nia... took a bath and saw bb's msg. hehe
he just wake up kot? when i tried to call him, he was bathing nia...
pig ler ^@^
he asked me to on9, but then my mum was shouting and asked me to eat.
hurmm.... whatever~

after eat, ran upstair to on9 then find bb chat lo..
bb so cute jo er.. after cut hair^^ hehe...
feel like wan hugsssss and kisssss him gam.. hoho *paiseh-paiseh*
miss u so much ler dar dar!
b i not understand er..
b say im not ur gf.
but y say brake up le? [ keep the ily till when i say wanna brake n show it to me]
haih... wondering~~~~
weird weird nia...still don't understand what is the relation between us.

at night couldn't fall asleep?? wtf.
its been so long i didn't wear the braces.
when i wore it yesterday, i couldn't sleep tight. swt.
pain... grrrr...
woke up at 6.30am......
finally, i gave up.. i went toilet n took it off..
but still i couldnt fall asleep until 7.30am when bb text me.. haihs.
so cham... T.T
promise mama wanna go pasar pagi... but no go also.
couldn't wake up nia.. didn't sleep well at night.
sorry mum..^^

I reached shop after brunch with mama..hehe
miss the food.
miss the village that i always go went my grandma is still alive.
duh... one year i didn't see her ard..
time passing so fast....
dont know how she is doing now.... *_*

*no matter how far the distance tare us away, you are still close in my mind*

sunday 1

2008-09-21T19:33:00.002+08:00

today woke up at 1.30pm ???
yesterday i was asleep at 4am, i couldnt fall aslp.
i miss him, i miss kampar... i miss everything =(
yesterday before coming back from kampar,
i was alone in the room.
when i wake up, i was thinking to find bb for lunch.
but then when i was real awake, i only realized he left kampar n he should be at home now sleeping.
wth am i blurring about?? lols
i guess i really miss him so much.
this few weeks always meet him - morning and night.
haihs....
i feel uneasy being alone now in hometown.
i hope my friend will spend their time on me a little so i wouldnt think too much.

just come back from parade,
at first i bought nothing..
i dont even interested on the cloths.
not my style anymore even my mum wanna buy for me.. ahaks
at last she went to 'the next shop'.
then i was like... 'nah, this is what i wanted'
i pick up a tube dress. white in colour with many white circle&bubble.
its real cute... when i saw it, i was thinking i wanna show bb & ask for his opinion.. kaka.
too bad he's not around..wuuwuu T.T
its not costly, its only around rm50+
pay by credit card + my mum stuff around rm100+.
yeh... like it too mUch^^
bought a short in my fav colour.
yey.. i was kinndderr happy. i can fit on S size short at last..hahaha =D
then went off the shopping mall n had dinner - ngar bou kai fan!
so full now... hehe.. so long didnt eat nice food ard.. yey!!~ happy2.

wanna off9 ard, bb no reply me.
he's busy kot.
hm, nvm lar...^^
i miss you!

_[ I believe that I'm yours! ]_

2008-09-19T00:22:00.003+08:00

FUCK THAT SHIT.

I HATE PEOPLE DOING THINGS THAT I DONT LIKE.
AND PURPOSELY DOING IT.

I TELL U WHAT?
I DONT GIVE A DAMN.
COME ON....

i though after exam is a.... fuckin heaven for me to relax.

i hate this place now.. fuckin asshole.

numbers driving me crazy..

2008-09-15T19:02:00.003+08:00

today having maths for business & social sciences.
its really driving me crazy..
im lack of exercise which makes me no confident to do it..
many questions popping up when i jotting down the answer in the answer sheet.
i keep stopping to answer for mostly every question...wtf?
what on earth am i doing?
i worry about resit now...
i dont wanna take extra subject for the next sem.
its totally make me more stress and depress next semester.
I DONT WANT!

is there any way to escape from this?
save me from falling down.
the thread no longer strengthen enough to hanging on..
i scared falling.. its dying.
arrgghh...

somewhere around, i know there's someone who will always support me.
da one who i promise to stay around when he need me.
da one who make me laugh when im down.
da one who fight with me everyday [=
da one who can keep me up and down in the same time.
da one who i never bore seeing him every second..
i love him ^__^
i love the way u make me feel.... =D
do u?

not feeling well..

2008-09-14T02:31:00.002+08:00

just came back from Ghany with Nix them.
suddenly feeling not well...
bad flu and headache.
not in mood to study today..
feels like nobody cares....
i know..I used to think a lot when I'm alone...

i just dont feel like i am myself now..zzz

why cant i just dont care so much like i used to be last time?
im not happy because i care too much...
and i dont get what i care about.
why should i care??
who understand ne??
so depressed when get into this.
the more i care, the more it goes...
the more i try to keep it up, it keeps falling apart...
where is the strength to keep me holding on??

feels like dying hanging on the thread in the middle of the busy road.
everybody keeps moving forward and i keeps hanging on. wtf???

how to care free?? i want to be like what i used to be last time when i not depending on.

dats da reason why i choose not to depend on...
atlast i did... to be regret or regretted.
life still moving on...
even in the busy road OR the isolated place..
.......................................too much to care about.
not much in return.. haih~~

english test.

2008-09-09T01:50:00.005+08:00

uh, finally its da first day of final exam today..
its english test!! wuuhuu...
thank god its not as hard as i though^^
i still can manage to finish everything on time..
my essay topic is 'travel & its benefit' [=
kinda lots of crap to put in the essay.LOLs

duh, after the exam.. i was in a real hungry.
omg, i dont want to have maggie again cuz before exam i ate it once.
no ppl can accompany me again...
and i force myself to sleep on my lil bed...
missing my mum like hell... =(
if im at home, sure she could get me something to eat.
nobody can replace my mum * deep deep in heart*
really nobody....... =[
mum, i love you.

woke up at 8pm+..
wondering, who can eat with me again.
out of sudden i think of Sam, i owe him a drinks.
so i ask him out.
no choice.
i know...when i need him, he wont be there....
hope you will recover soon. =]
i feel like... i can do anythg for you, but not in return.
when u need me, you will by my side..
when u dont need me, i'm just left a side.
haih~ tired!! very tired...

many many small mistakes will be a big burden in the end of day..

Footprints In The Sand

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I’m going

You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much I no along the way
Then I heard you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled
with sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints
in the sand

I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times have I
Been so afraid ooh

And just when I
Have thought I’ve lost my way
You give me strength to carry on
That’s when I heard you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled
with sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints
in the sand
When I’m weary
Well I no you’ll be there
And I can feel you
When you say
I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is full of
sadness and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints
in the sand

When your heart is filled
with sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints
in the sand
.............................**wink**

So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours....

gonna start study...haiz~
muacks for myself...kiakiakia^^

exAm fever..

2008-09-04T03:27:00.002+08:00

just finished my Economics.
its a great achievement since i hardly finish a textbook before exam.lols
damn hungry now....
no ppl pui me eat dinner...so i just had a bit of fried rice bought by Rick at P.M.
duh!!~ w2d..
its better than yesterday that i didnt eat dinner at all... LOLs

wanna continue with maths now...
im not tired, i just taking care of my health..
its not good to sleep so late due to imbalance hormones in the body..^^

haih.. my bitbit died last friday(29august08).
kinda lonely without him suddenly...
U just come and goes like dat... ='(
i misss u so.....i miss ur white white fur..
is it my fault that i gave too lil of food everyday?
or play to harsh with u that night?
hmm.... whats gone is never returned.

i worry about Matthew again.
i hope he alright..
he's real weird just now.. he never been in this way b3fore.
[ i love miiiiikiey nehh !!! ]
uh... duh! so suddenly.. *_*

i miss home..
always feeling emo&lonely in this middle of night..

oh yea, just visited a website www.worldvision.com.
uh, stoping by the world vision experience : AIDS
wonder too many things just now....LOLs
if im rich, i sure will donate la...seems that im just a student...suan ba... LOLs
duh..... see

AIDS in Africa
* two-third of all ppl living with HIV are in Africa.
*two-third of all new HIV infections are in Africa.
*three-quarters of all AIDS-related death are in Africa. . in the place that's home o just over one-tenth of the world population.

shhoooot... nearly 6k ppl die every day because of AIDS.. . . . another person dies every 15second.

duh..this crises will not go away by itself..how to help them le?
give condom and teach them how to use??lol.

ok la... time to slp ^^
nights..

something to say...

2008-08-28T13:03:00.003+08:00

understanding is very important in a relationship..
to understand someone is not easy..
before u want ppl to understand u. did u really understand yourself??

**
yesterday, we went Grand Kampar Hotel for a steamboat.
bb drive my car to buy thing for tang yuen.
after finish eating, i found out that he forgotten to turn off the light of my car.
so the battery went out of charges and cant even start the engine.
i leave my car in front the hotel all night long, hoping that it will work next day.

i set my alarm this morning to 9.30am.
i wanted to go Mr.Narwin class badly.
end up of sleeping because no ppl fetch me there...
its ok since that is not my class, i can go to his next class.
so, i reset my alarm to 11.20pm for the next class of my math tutorial.
at the end, i didnt go to his class..
ending up in the old town for the wire to re-charge my car battery.
shoot!! u dont understand what i need at all?
i wanted to go to class.... NOT re charge my car!!
u know what is important to do first and what is not?
u dont understand...........
i dont want to say a words since u are more excited about the wire.
anywhere, tq for the car.

love is not just physically,
its from heart.

love is not just from a word,
its from action.

an action can show the difference,
a simple word can stand for a big meaning.

do what u say, say what u do...

[ L ] for love,
[ L ] for lies.

off my nerve.. =X

2008-08-24T00:45:00.005+08:00

this morning was a terrible morning.
i dream something that could fck off my mind...
why am i being so jealous and mind about that if i really believe n trust?
wtf.
i walked back home while smsing Nick.
i even feel like suiciding that moment..
swt. i even tell him that i wanna back hometown immediately.
after have a long long bath, only i realize im kinda off my nerve...
how could i die easily because of something stupid??
i DONT worth that way.. ^^
then went to old town alone to take some document for my mum.
i went wrong place...swt =.=""

for brunch, i have KFC with mr.GoikLH after wait him for 15mins alone outside his house.
haihzz..
then study with him the whole evening....

at night, Matthew called me..
he told me he miss me. its hard to be controlled.
i was so freak off when he suddenly tell me that...
I really touch with what u did....
but i know we dont have the ending that i wish to be.
i dont want to hurt u..
deep in my heart, i know everything...
i just .... pretending....all way long....
i guess its better to be in this way.....
as the song i sang to u last time..i really mean it
hope u happy always... [=
and found someone who worth your care^^
as i promise, i will try to go genting to visit u... =p

two more weeks to sit for final exam..
and again.... i did nothing for it.
start to revise...
trying hard to focus...... LOLs
as Mr.Steve said, 2weeks to study 3months of 6subject..
uh? DIE X((

once again i clarify...
i really feel like the place doesnt belong to me anymore.
i guess i really need time............

getting better..

2008-08-20T20:46:00.003+08:00

shOot. i cried badly yesterday. wth.
why am i crying le?? swt.
i know the reason...
when i think of it, my heart pain.. =(
by that time, i know how much i love you...

but its pass ard now..
i dont want to mention what im thinking...
its better to kept n buried in my heart.

water flows like time...
its always flow.....
flows away and never return.

appreciate this very moment as it will not return again.

LOVEmeFORwhoIam -carol

as clear as cystal

2008-08-19T01:36:00.004+08:00

the night is still young.
i still dont feel happy today.
i thought things will be ok after i wake up this morning.
BUT it still the same.

only my bit bit accompany me and fill this lonely.
he's really cute^^

today after dinner, i went westlake with kelvin.
we walked for 1hour there..we wanna look for YieHuan, but she's not around.
so we just walked all over for nothing.

suddenly, kelvin and I wanted to go to toilet but we dont have place.
so, kelvin ask me to borrow goik's toilet.
at first, i feel that its really idiot idea since goik's ex is around.
i dont want he feel like im checking on him even i do. LOLSs
he step in the house when i wanna go away..
so i just follow his steps and to goik's room.

the place we use to spend time together all this while.
i dont know why the place seems so unfamiliar to me..
i feels like it doesnt belong to me anymore...
i'm totally hate this feeling.. no offenses.

so, i ask for the toilet.
the kelvin and me go back after finish our business.
we still walk for 30mins before going back home.
i love the air. i wish the air and winds remain there as the rain just stop hour ago.

8.30pm the discussion for the CS debate starts.
as usual we do our work and surf net.
then jia wen call me for chat.
its quite long i didnt heard from him since last month.
many distraction occur during the talk because he is working when he's calling me. *siao*
he told me he is getting so bored..
and we talk a lot as usual. its glad that he call me, at least i could feel better.

after the discussion, i come out with the idea to go mamak.
i lost my appetite today..total of food that digest in my stomach today,do not more than 1 meal that i have in a usual day.
i just dont feel like eating even the world greatest food catch in my sigh.

no reason to explain all this...

its just happen..

i trust him.
i dont know why i will just trust whatever he say....
i just do..

*photos of my bitbit will be update soon. tq

the taste of pain.

2008-08-18T00:09:00.005+08:00

i was in a real real downcast today.
i dont sleep well yesterday for no reason. i dont understand why i feel sad and happy in the same time. is there anyone can stay beside me now? where is him when i need you? i know you might be busy with your ex, but its doesnt worth me this way. its suddenly being a big big burden for me. a really big burden that i cant stand it alone.. i wonder am i the one who bring it all and burden myself? why? why should i being this fucking idiot? i thought what i am doing all this while is what i wanted and right! why it turn upside down now?? what should i going to do to make it right? is there anyone to help me? i dont want to cry. cry doesnt cure anything. please help me...

TO: you know who you are,
sometimes i really hope to forgive you. but deep deep inside i couldnt.
since the day in tutorial english class.
u yelling at me without reason.
i cant accept the way u treat me, i just cant.
i always try to ignore it but there's a boundary between us which making me feel that i must protect myself.
i always try to stay away from you...i just hope that u wont annoys me and so do i.

BUT u keep making me feel that way............

does a friend mean to be like that? i really dont understand.

why u always say something that really annoying?
i just cant pretend that i dont see and hear it.

i really HATE all the things u do to me.
hate it so much that i hate myself too.

i blame myself for everything that happen.

its a real large burden on my shoulder.
i cant lift it off.
as i wish i could.

*AT LAST, I CRIED.
in pain.

i just cant find any medicine................ to cure.
no bandage.
keep on bleeding....
in its own way............untill i can die peacefully.

stress. depressed.no fun. sob

2008-07-12T00:31:00.003+08:00

yo..
my laptop down ard.
no internet for a week.
and finally im using qian's laptop for weeks after he fix my laptop.
thanks him very much actually. :D
he's so kind.... *touch*

yey. actually i should be happy now but exam tomorrow.
i felt depressed.
when chat with matthew just now on msn, i cried out of nothing.
swt, i guess i need to rest and i miss home ard.
i really miss my mum... i wanna hug her tight next week.
wait for me~!! LOLs.

tomorrow have exam for economics & computer studies.
die man. how to answer the stupid question??
10 fill in the blank, 10 true/false, 10 matching, AND 2 short answer!!
i going to die tomorrow.
help me....!!
i want to study now but i dont have ohm lar.
what should i do?
i wrote many many 我 , 爱 , 心 and my own name on a piece of blank A4 paper which Goik teach me to release tension.
i guess it helps abit.. LOLs.
he also mention that... i can be mature when i want, i just dont want to be.
haha..i guess its true.
but i dont know why.
i just lock myself on..
i try to accept what the realities are... but i just lock myself.
i feel insecure.
i need time by my own i guess...

heyyy, exam lerrr..........
carol must study ard!! cannot lazy lazy arr....
later low marks den die lo.....
must gambatee!! oni ppl will sek sek mar...LOLs.

talkin to myself. siao ard.... haha...

LOVE me...MEmeME.
ONLYme.
whee!!~~

sleepless night...

2008-07-05T16:19:00.004+08:00

uh? today i didn't sleep the whole night.
Ricky's friend - goik, came around to my house to have some alcoholic drinks.LOLs
having fun drinking with him, he's kinda friendly and talks alot.
its great to know him in Kampar.
my first impression to him was, he's nice. he know how to cook quite well where guy like that seems like going to extinct ard. kaka..(no offense)^^
[ love someone who love you ! ] thanks Goik :D

what i do to fill my bored time in between?
i surf net, drink Carls, Heineken, and tried Vodka , explore my laptop but still failed to online*shit*. then they played mahjong and DOTA.zzz...
5.30am we're going out to mamak, too hungry ard.
afterwards, Goik come with the idea to watch sunrise since its going to be 6am ard.
its come to disappointment when we cant see any sunrise all of sudden the sky looks brighten ard. sigh....
i guess we should have go to hill to get the nicer view. LOLs.
its freezing cold that time, the wind is so cold and fresh.
i guess its time to fall asleep in lullaby. haha.

then we when back home at 7am.
i went to sleep right after reach home,
i was so tired after the alcohol and sleepless night.

i woke up at 9am which is too early and fall asleep again until 11.30pm.
i guess its time to revise and do ass today.
huibin,yiehuan,kelvin come over my place and its expected again.
we only surf net without doing anything. sooooooo sweat!!~

wake up!!! when we will going to work it out?? when??
worried.....zzz

i wish that my test will just turn out great.
i must study for the test.
i must score.. no people will appreciate us if we failed.
people will only stick around us when we success.
its reality!
i want to success!! gambatee.....

love myself !! *hearts*
*updated on 12/07/08

alienated??

2008-06-19T14:12:00.002+08:00

I don't know what had happened to me this few day.
I don't have reason why i alive in this world.
I just don't know what the purpose of having me in this world?

I feel so alienated, moody, stress, betrayed....etc.
I don't understand why.....??!!
nobody knows what i'm thinking.

I been leave alone in the corner of the world.
nobody around to care about me.
I dont want people to ask me why.
i just need 'certain' people to stay besides me.
its enough ard.
who could be the one?
i know you should know it by yourself.

i wish someone could brighten up my day.
who??
me myself dont know who.

why want to leave me alone blooding?
who could bleed me?

if alcohol can cure, i will consume a tons.
if tears can help, i will drain the pool.
if friends can make me better, but i got alots.
if loving is killing, i will KILL myself now.
shit.

i need people to appreciates me..

i need love..

lalalaalllla~

I wanna put U and I apart!!~

2008-06-13T01:45:00.005+08:00

so, here I am in the middle of night again.
thinking of you...sigh!
wondering why should i being so stupid to fall into you?
why cant i just get you off my head?
why is it so hard to not to think about you?
why is it so hard to love... and its just happen to be only me to carry on everything?
where are you when i need you?
where is the one i wish HIM to appear in some of the time, but he doesnt?
why its just happen to be only one who love?
i felt lonely here even friends is all around me.
where is the love for me?
im too lonely without your news for weeks that made me feel a decades.
im too lonely without your smile. =X

i wish that anyone is besides me now when i feel like crying.
i need a shoulder to cry on and a roof to shed for.
i need someone that will support me in whatever i do.
One who understand what i want without a word.
One who know what im thinking deep inside.

= I wanna delete U in my memory, and left I alone in this lonely town=

Am i worth this?

i hope NOT! =(

bloody hell tiring!!~

2008-06-03T22:11:00.006+08:00

i dont know how the Utar time table working.
u know what? i was having 7hours class starting from 8am.
i have to wake up very early in the morning around 6.30am to eat my breakfast before the class because we really dont have time for it man.
its just 30mins off every subject for 1.5hours until 2pm.gosh.
is this tutoring or what? idk la..
its real tired and how to concentrate for a long hour of class??!
i dont really understand.
sometimes i found myself dreaming and blurring all the while.aha.
but its still fun la because i knew new friends today - fish cake and kelvin the patriotic one.aha
really glad to meet them, they crack stupid jokes.
cure sleepiness sometimes.lols
fish love to eat seafood XD
he's telling seafood mostly over hundred times in the 2hours of lecturer English language class.haha
he just sms me, planing to have breakfast together tomorrow morning.
see how la..
oh ya, Shirley maybe wanna move in my house after July.
she dont have transport.
actually, im glad to because i got friend to talk and crazy with.aha =p
aiya, no pictures tim. she deleted it la today.
she say she looked ugly then she deleted it.
actually who cares la... da point is she and me is there ma.lols
making to a closer friend now. [=

why i can up to here so late?
i got class at 12pm tomorrow ! yey!~ i can have my sweet dream tonight.
i though of sleeping earlier but i just couldnt fall asleep.
da room is still very very alienated for me. sigh.
before i close my eyes, i will look around.
so crazee ya..^^
hope can adapt well in this room very very soon.haha..

Utarian's life. =þ

downcast for a moment

2008-05-30T01:06:00.001+08:00

i would like to say sorry if my attitude hurts anyone out there.
i know i quite emotional these few day, i just couldnt.
i was worry about anything.
well, come out from house. all have to done by my own.
its quite difference in NS in every aspect?
maybe.. now i have to find my own food, timing on my own, money limited.
BUT what i got is freedom which i wanted it so much last time.
i miss home!
its quite depressed here because i was really worried about my study.
i trying to do my best, but its really hard.
the lecturer talk too fast and its quite hard to understand because i dont have basic in accounting and economics. i really hope i can understand and concur it. sigh.
i hope i can adapt myself here as what i wanted.
i want to be the best among all.
that is what i wanted.
i know my parents pay me, i must make effort on it. i really dont hope they disappointed again.

here, i want to say sorry vv much to ah gor.
i hurt his hand on 28may08.
i really dont know it will hurt u lo..
very very guilty ah..
gor forgive me la..
i know u very da fang one.hehe
muaks back. blek =D

oh, about da mei ren.
glad that i know her lah.haha
i guess my gor too.
so proud right?kaka..
whatever la. i just need friend same group with me
i dont want alone in tutorial class.kaka
and its better if that 'sek mo' not around us.
i cant really concentrate if he around..
pls go away from us.
if not, i will kick ur ass & make u never forget.hahaha...
want ham sap, go far far la..ee..
bian tai la..eee.....
later i post in net say u bian tai only u know.haha
don't disturb my friend arr!!!~

oh ya, gor ar..nex time in class knot talk to much ah..haha
owes so blur de..
we must gambatee.
cannot waste money arrr....
we must prove that we can do it!!hehe...
thanks for the notes ar gor..
missyou.hehe.
when u see this, i think u want vomit lo.kaka..
:D

oh, momo is getting better la.
glad that he pass the interview in KL as the architecture...er student? learner? hmm..
somehow like dat.haha.
miss him also le.haha.
gor dont jealous oo...blek
he also my best friend in kem.hahaha :D

and ya, steve! my half half husband.haha
wish him all the best in his studies.
i know he getting busy with his ass now.
dont have time for me, but its ok.
haha [=

uh? time to slp ard ar.. 2moro have to wake up early.
many things to do, so little time. lol.
*ciao*

LOVE ME 4 WHO I AM !~

1st day of class.

2008-05-27T14:23:00.002+08:00

what do u think how my class would be?
lecturer class is not what i wish for, many student in a class doesnt sound great.
there are 4group combine and each group is 30person max.
for the very first class, i sat behind.
Darren and me reach there around 12 as show in the timetable but the student have place their sit in the class. so we have to stand for a few minutes before the lecturer came in.
quite embarrassed because we had be the attention of the class when the teacher asking all the student to sit .lols
but its ok. i wont be late anymore because being sit at the back of the class really mean nothing.
im short and its really hard to concentrate on what the lecturer is teaching but its ok for the first day of introduction to the coarse. [=
So, my first class would be computer studies. Mrs. wong is conducted the class, she's kinda pretty but her voice is really soft to be heard especially from where i'll be sitting. =p
the class went off so fast after en hour and I going back home and be ready for the next class after 2hour.

during the off, i go find my sis. she being so down for her result. she might be withdrawing her diploma. she say its really hard to continue anymore and she felt like she is just wasting money.
so i go there for a while to accompany her for a talk to comfort her although i knew it wont help a little, ending up fall asleep on her bed for 10minutes. lols
then i rushing to fetch my gor at his house to campus for the opening account of public bank.
they got make a promotion to student to open account for only rm18 otherwise its cost rm250 if open personally.
well, i think i would glad to take that chance.lols. but when i reach there, there are lots of people queuing up and i don't think i have enough time for it because i got class 30minutes later. lols
So, i have to break out the chance!
we ran under the rainy day for the car before reach the block D for the next class.
we reached there 15minutes earlier for the god's sake and sit nearby to wait.
the class before us went off late a few minutes. i guess the lecturer is having a great time teaching without notice the class is actually end.

So, i rushed in to sit a better place than the first class. I though it would be ok but it doesn't! i cant see the white board, i didn't bring spectacular around and some of the big size fella sit infront. sigh.
its the mathematic for business class! yea,mathematics term is used but the math is like add math in form5. lmaoz.
I really have good time in the class [=

and that night i overnight at karpui's house. =p
i hope she will be ok now.
all the best for her... :D

3rd day in kampar.

2008-05-22T23:47:00.004+08:00

don't have time to write blog this few day.
busy adapting myself at Kampar, so didn't write blogs for the first day in kampar.
now at Darren's place, in the room with pei nan so called Steven, his friend.
online with his wireless router. he's friendly :D
so, i just come back from super with them at mamak next to 7eleven.
Steven is hungry, just now dinner he didn't eat much because the cooker give him a lil which is not enough to fill his big big stomach. lols.
well, gonna overnight here.keke.
yey! i will back by tomorrow! hurray... *wink*
i miss my parents very much..especially my bro. =p
how im doing this few days?
well, basically its good la.
having too much freedom.
too much freedom leads to very much responsibilities. lmaoz
well,can mix well with house mate - ricky & jess.
but sometimes was arguing for my rights with ricky.
i felt that he control me too much ard like my bf.
i want freedom!!~

##########################################

wats is in my mind now?
lets see..
why the strong connection builded in NS can just disappeared like a wink. like we dont know each other before? i was really so upset today when i saw some of the NS friends that act like totally stranger to me. i was trying to talk to them but they seems like ignoring.
what da heck happened man?
why people can totally difference in person and net?
they looked friendly in net by writing imissu all those stuff but in person, i don't get that kind of respond. =(
now i understand a principle for life.
build a friendship could be easier than to hold and keep in touch with each other.
but i hope its not true anyway.
i might be forgiveness.. BUT patient is limited to every person in this whole world. lols

is it too sweet to be end?
OR
too sour to end?

sour is harder to forget than sweet.?
i choose sour.
because we got reason to forget than a reason to-not forget.lmaoz.

is it longer relationship can stand a higher chance to be with till the end of life?
i think not.
longer relationship leads to boringness because they don't have black and white to hold them together.

how to find a life-long partner?

how to believe whether the words from HIM is true?
(HIM is meant for guys.)

_end_

2008-05-17T00:46:00.000+08:00

these day trying to improve my language by reading novel.
da name for the novel is quite blue namely, How To Sleep With A Movie Star! by Kristin Harmel.
its a nice thing to do when you're bored and i gets addicted to it.
i love how she start the sentence off and the story goes well.
I've read half the novel now. want to know what is it about?
its a bout A girl,Claire which is only 5feet tall working in the magazine company, Mod Magazine.
she live with her boyfriend,Tom who is a cool writer, knew him in the high school.
Claire job is to writes about the rock star, singer, movie star 's profile or celebrity life for the Mod magazine with is in the circulation war against Cosmopolitan. She had interviewed many many popular star for her piece.
She had to interview Cole Branon,the well spoken and , for the august edition in the weekends and just a few day to pass the piece up to the director.Meanwhile, she is having some difficulty with Tom, he's cool with her now.Even she is sex posting infront of him, he dont even look at her for the excitement. She think that they need time for it since they live together for over one year already,so she plan to seduce him this weekends but the time is not allowed.
On Saturday, she have to interview Cole in the high standard restaurant for brunch. When the interview going on, she remember his best friend in the Mod magazine,Wendy, told her that Cole Branon is a sex addict, the gossip circulate around with her publicists, Ivana. Claire starting to fall with Cole's gentleman. She admit her boyfriend doesn't treat her like Cole do, plus Tom doesn't even effort to pay all the bills for Claire.
So, the climax is quite complicated yet exciting. After the interview,she edit the piece on Cole Branon to be hand in to Sitra, the fashion and beauty editor to edit the piece before send to the publish apartment, she went back home hoping they can spend time together that night with sex. At home, she saw tom on her bed making love with a brunette, she has indeed a good body with skinny legs and look familiar. she found out that the brunette who sleep with her boyfriend is Sitra's sister,they meet at the Mod party last year.
How is she going to survive after kicks her 1year relationship boyfriend that she thought it could be forever and the tabloid with the hottest Hollywood star. Cole and Claire have been the front cover of the Tattletale with the hottest gossip " Cole Branon found a new sex toy!", the picture of her with him in the cab, in her apartment and the flower that he send to her office etc.
what will happen to her next? is she going to fire by Mod for spoiling the magazine reputations? is she and Tom going to work it out? or is Cole Branon going to care for this? are they going to work out together? hehe..borrow the novel from me, its full of imagination. [=

need time to b alone. my prob? or them?

2008-05-10T15:55:00.002+08:00

i really feel sad after calling.
i shouldn't call them? or i should call them earlier? or i don't treat them good enough? my prob? my attitude? or they never really take me as their friend? idk.i really don't understand.
i was really sad they go out together without me. is this a friends made up from? before this, i saw them in JJ, I don't have much feeling cause i also going with Onie without them.
but this time is very very difference because some of them have to leave - for college and matrix. I think i have the right to see them the last time before we really busy on our studies. plus, the one who's going to matrix is my so-called husband! its really sucks. I rather dont know they are going than i know it now. its really downcast.
this is the friend that i mean for? friends??!! shit.
what is the meaning of friend now?i don't really understand.
getting so damn disappointed.
feels like going form6 is useless.
i want to get to new places asap.I'm no longer stand this kind of place where i feel sad with my friends. i hope i receive offer letter from Utar asap. please god.
couldn't resist to this kind of places. *sad*

Yesterday went parade with Eric, he talks alot of things which inspires me a little.
once he told me,
IF one heart consist of 4 chamber, what do you wish to fill in?
sadness or happiness?
there was too many things u have to care and think of.
thousand and millions of things.
human never failed to learn from mistake and past.
if 1/4 sadness and 4/4 happiness, he said he rather 4/4 happiness because
sad or happy the day will pass by.
why you want to waste your time for the sad one?
i said, idk. and i just smile. [=
i guess he understand what im thinking.
thanks to him alots. arrigatoo!!~

oh ya, JW also inspire me alots.
i chat with him the whole night, i found that we are same in thinking neither most of the aspect.lols
we always talk about love problem.
he say nobody will know what will happen in the future.
even how much u love each other now,human hearts - male or female will change.
changes of human heart including the way of thinking, behaving etc.
people will change the point of view when they are adapting in the new situations no matter where they are - new people, new surrounding, problems they might face soon or now, etc.
So when you're in a relationship, don't put so much of hope in.
its not that i ask u not to believe him or what, just don't fall into it too much.in other ways of telling don't so absorb into it.
its to prevent from much of disappointment when broking up.
BUT if you're still together over than fews year then its good. just let the time to prove it.
Prove it by actions, not words.
words can show it a second, but actions need the whole life. :DD
touching le? lols. [=

well, i think i shouldn't feel sad for them again.
its not worth it la..
cause they dont even take me as their so-called friends.
why should I?
well, its pay by how you treat me.
yea, im that catty. so what?
its abit bizarre, but this is the realities.
world realities is so mean ard.
and this is just the starting of it =p

*imissyou.

2days in Genting. ;D

2008-05-08T14:44:00.005+08:00

yeah, 5th of May we go Genting as planned. 8am must reached ipoh to depart but we're late. not me ya, its Ice. we waited for him 15minutes. *-* my dad scolded me. not actually scolded la.. he say next time must tell them earlier. don't always late!! i admit I'm wrong to not telling him to wait earlier. sorry guys.

on the way to Genting is really suffered because the air-cond spoiled. wthell. thank god Edison clever enough to open the window.aha.. if not, i think i will die in the van before reach Genting. :DD so nice, we can sit together and chat before reach. laugh alot during the trip but sometimes im abit Emo. haiz. hate my emo!!

after reached Genting, we go to First World Hotel for check in.As expected, i don't really understand where is the counter since is not the usual counter we used to be. well, i go find a quite lengzai boy to ask for.aha.. *purposely* blek =pp

ok. afterwards we put our luggage at lobby. we heading to outdoor, but then.. we found that the weather is not allowed for the play. so sad. we just walk around and slacking all over. its not cold that time [=

we ate Pizza Hut for lunch. omg, guess how much it is? rm 90++ including tax. actually the meal set is only rm70++ only. so every person have to pay rm15. expensive!! T.T

then, we go for indoor. paid rm26 for all the indoor games. what is the first game we played?? bumber car i think. forgotten.aha.. we really have fun for it cause we are actually chasing our friend and bumb into each other especially CK.lols. then we play the indoor roller coaster. i though it suppose to be fun infront. its not, its more fun at the back. well, when we're eating PH, those fella riding roller coaster seems having so much fun. cheated by them. lols. we play roller coaster 5times that day..haa. Jin sitting alone.pitty him. though wanna accompany him but CK is sticking with me. huhu.den we go for motion master, nothing fun inside la. the chair moving and the cartoon ali baba is just like real infront us. then we go for ferris wheel. its real headache there when the ferris go round and round for so many times! CK is with me in the wheel, and he sing all along.aha..thanks. ohh ya, ever forgot the ghost 3D indoor. CK pay for me. rm25 per person. expensive.. i guess they enjoy shouting inside there while its actually nothing to scare about.haha..

in the Evening, we went back hotel to bath then we go for dinner at food court. everyone of us have 1 free meal provided in the trip. herbal soup. nice.. oh ya, my roomates - xiao hei, pika & qin wearing skirt that night.aha.. BUT all of us is wearing black.hehe :DD after meal, we go for a sit in the train. really so damn bored. as Jin said, bored till vomit.haha.. w2d? pika wanted it so much.haha.. like small little kids. *grin* then we go for the dragon ride. idk what they call it.. its just like the train, bringging us all around the indoor. we chat in the lighted dragon hangging ontop of the ceiling.haa.. then we go for the roller coaster ride again.omg.addicted to it although its not that fun.aha.. my idea of riding it. afterwards they plan to go for bumber car. I didnt follow them, i went to Genting Hotel with CK for that machine capturing photo. having so much fun for it..as usual he paid for it. then he dare me to race with him. the token thingy. haha.. guess what?? i win. :DD

After finish the token, we went back. i go find Edison them while CK find his friends. i called Jin, he said he wanted to go Ria apartment. They at outdoor entrance. He say he will wait for me. So, I walked alone all the way to find them. i walked so fast. i made my step bigger and faster. Guess what? after i reached, i saw CK. damn! waste my energy to walk so far and fast. quite angry that time, but i able to calm down. he say to me, 'that y. who ask u dont want to follow me!!' grrr...diaoz. y i must follow u? i've done what i've promised. fine! I feel its worth for HIM. haha:DD then i follow Jin to the Ria apartment. i dont understand why he so wanted to go there. he said eat fried rice for only rm3. but then when we reached there, the place is like rubbish. nothing there, like haunted house as well *scary* then we went car park to see the KL city for only 10minutes. omg! walked so far just for 10mins view. sobbing la.I wont forget that day.haha.. siao de him. its cold and we're wearing skirt boy. haiz.

Then we walked back with tiring and heading to the garden. saw many couple there hugging and kissing.haha.. kinda romantic place to be in. then we go to McD to see the place and eat at KFC. i asked Jin to buy pepsi and have to pay rm3 for that.hmm... they brought the ticket for ironman. at first i dont want to go because the movie is bored and i rather walks with them.haha.. As expected the cinema is so cold. i sit alone in the front row. the couple is next to me. kinder jealous them.haha.the girl get cold, the boy take off his jacket for her.*touching* haha.. i fall asleep for 30mins because that part is bored and im so tired. then i carry on with the movie like usual but ALONE. not bad la..admire their technologies.haha

After the 2.5hours movie, the clock shows 3am. i was shaking, its really cold. we go back to the hotel for resting. we plan to play card - dai D. the guys came over at first and disturb Pika to sleep. after they feel sleepy, they went back. By the time Pika is awake, then we go boy's room to kacau them.haha... Pika fall asleep too soon. we had no choice. just sleep in that room together. pika is at top of us, qin is besides me, then jin and edison. guess what? the girls sleep on the hard-furniture bed without blanket.shaking the whole night.sigh. although there are only 1hours, i really have a good rest and happy^^

woke up 8am the next day, get prepared and pack our things because CK and Jin say ready to check out early as we will run out of time for the outdoor.So, we separate into 2groups. My group had breakfast first before going outdoor.used rm 100+ for the breakfast.well, we chated so happy, didnt realise the time passes so fast. so at last, Jin say dont want to go outdoor. so we slacked around First world and Genting hotel for the token thingy.haha... used rm40 for that.swt.but i do have fun for it.haha..

then i go for check out, edison and pika is following me. after 3seconds checking out, we go to garden nearby. cheated by Edison that he saw the sea. we both stupid run for it. swt. then we wait jin, qin and hei at Padini Store for 20minutes. damn bored!! edison even fall asleep.hhaa... then we slack around at McD. we play cards and let the time past.haha. i told them to wait at lobby at 3.15pm, but they late. anywhere, we went off to the awana cable car. waited so long. the awana is really scared me off. the thing is swingging and around 20people inside. hmm.. i never want to go by Awana again!!!damn.
At last, we eat at lou ji jiu jia. xiao hei's working place. and the journey is carry on like usual...

the trip is tiring but we really have fun. i wish for the next trip in the future. wanted it so much!!~ haha...

outside outdoor.

with CK on the ferris wheel ride.

with CK at McD.

ck, jin, xiao xin and edison.

outside outdoor. on the road side. [=

going down escalator..hah..

going up escalator. [=

edison and xiao xin. so suit right? =pp

racing car.. tken machine.haha..

xiao xin and hong qin.

jin and CK.

CK's friends.from selangor.

the END !!~

one day out to Lost world.

2008-05-03T23:07:00.004+08:00

duh, what to say? i feel like i was getting darker.
my face red. like blushing?!! shit.
see lots of people today.
some of them was totally weird.
few couple holding hand along the beaches? err.. human-made beaches! lols
many babies sleeping on the table.
kids are shouting their hearts out, playing on the beaches.
human(engines)-made waves make the beaches looks real cool.
some water activities provided makes the visitors fun.
i had played the slide. i tried the 3slides and i love the most extreme ones.haha..
the tubes are provided so we have to queue ourself and go upstairs with the tube which is so high(quite la!!lols). duh!! its tiring. zzzZz
the most extreme ones is like we are sliding in the hole of idk what in dark. we dont know what is infront there but we are sliding very fast. fatin keeps on shouting. I just laughs my ass out. Its not scary, its FUN!! *yahoooOoo*
well after all, I tend to learn something from it. Accidentally.*oOpss*
We dont know what will happens infront us, but the time is moving very very fast.
so if we dont plan the future, there are no turning back nemore!
human will gets older.. so, aims high from now, dont ever say regret in the end. *wink*
oh grosh, reading too much in MPH today.aha.. the books really inspire me alots.
i want to buy it, but its too expensive. i not afford to buy it. "Whatever u think THINK THE OPPOSITE!!"
i hope u guys can check it out somewhere then. its real cool.

omg, y suddenly talk out of topic?? sorry sorry!! err... so i found a sweet couple. I think they are European. err.. Europe + Asian. it is like dat? aiya.. idk la. that guy got a real cute hair.
U know the Tommy and Oscar cartoon? the Oscar aka monster eat music notes? aha.. u guys remember how Tommy's hair look like? so he did have da same hair with him. He's cute. *wink*
oh yea, today i saw something. Did u know how metrosexual guys swims?
they bring along the comb.is it funny? he keeps on comb his hair right after he swim, in the middle of pool..where ever he is. he will just stick with the comb. oh grosh!! he's a indian. i will never ever forget how he looks like.haha.. but he can consider handsome for indian. idk. Celina said that. lols.

sigh. i really tired to continue writting anymore. not many picture of me is taken. but the pictures will be upload soon. thanks for reading my stupid writting. +_=

*updated on 080508.

MII? PIAM? LIAM?

2008-04-25T20:43:00.003+08:00

that is my title mean huh? well, guess what?
tomorrow is the dead day coming.. ;DD
i don't know what i learnt so far.
i going to finish the whole crap book. yey!!
BUT am I really understand what the insurances about??
Test will starts at 2.30pm until 4.30pm.
maybe i will try to think how to hang myself there.haha ;DD

oo..the Genting trip is really make my brain stuck.haha
some of them going with me..
some go by their own.
under age cant manage to book room. duh?!
thank god sandy save me from brain crackin.lolx
thanks to my mum for the co-operation too.haha..
so, decided all of them have to pay rm78 for the transportation and accommodation.
and the rest that go by themselves need to pay only rm30.(so cheap than i expected!)
so, im getting excited day by day...
couldnt sleep well at night.*wink* hahahaha...
siao2.

fatin called yesterday for the LOst World trip.
never been there before..haha..hope its going to be fun.
i made it on 3rd may.haha.. 1 st may till 10th may, i going to be so busy for my hangging out schedule.hahaha.. girls trip. ;DD

gotta eat ard,my mum is calling....
*ciao*

4more days for the exam....

2008-04-22T13:38:00.003+08:00

the Genting trip seems like going to change the date again.
hate this! =pp
thank god i didn't book the hotel last week.
if not i going to get nag from my mom again.
always change decision. sigh.

omg..
wthell.
four more days for the exam..shit.
not yet really prepared.
not finish reading. what i can do now?
i still slacking in front of my pc and..yet i don't have mood for it. ;DD

oo..my pc cant play o2jam nemore.
no more place for me to look for when the fire is on top of me. aha..
hope there's always a way. =_+

GETWELLSOON Steve.
pity him for his terrible stomachache.
TWOdays already yo!!~

<3

its always the brand new day..

2008-04-18T13:01:00.006+08:00

I've cut my hair on Wednesday. Is so weird. I never think of it will turned out to be like dis.aha.. I'll cut my hair when i feel sad. erm, why i sad? i also dont quite know.haha.. after i know my best buddy do like my crush, i was feeling so down. but i know our friendship wont change.. well, nothing much more important than a friends!!~ what i worried about is she is quite close with him in the camp. I think she can do better. Plus, he and me never had a conversation face by face before except in msn. duh? im too shy to face him. hm,let it be la.. i really dont wish this kind of thing spoil our friendship either its bettweeen me and her or he and me or she and me or them.haa... plus, he didnt say he like me before. So i better dont put so much feeling between us. i really scared i will hurt lots because i do like him alots. sigh.

well, i was getting more and more excited about the re-organize trip to Genting.lols. more people is joining the trip now. its better than Pangkor trip.hah... They are Pikachu, Qin, San, Jin, Ck, Lion, Xiao Hei, Ice and me. So sad that Steve is not joining us..hah^^ my dear wor. well, i scared i will sad in the trip because she n him is there. Sure i will miss the chance to talk with him then. well, just leave it to God la.. bless me!!~ lmaoz..

wake me up..

2008-04-14T22:51:00.003+08:00

Its another Monday again. Wondering what have i did today? zero. aha... Today passing soooo fast just like bullet train. I was eating and watching tv whole day long.opps, its actually helping me to gain fat to add more spare tire. haha.
omg, today something is wrong with me. i miss him so much.swt. i really dream alot today. its a waste of time!! zZzZzz... wake me up from dreaming!!
aiya so sad to say MeiMei is not going to join us for the trip because karmun is not going. she's having class.shit. hoping Yen is going now..

hmm.. today i dont have things to say la... its just a lonely night again. *wink*

bad?? or...good??

2008-04-13T23:04:00.005+08:00

Today Qin sms me to organize the Genting trip again.well, what could i say? i don't have prob with it. i just dont want to hear any reason to cancel the trip again.NO such thing to cancel the trip for him nemore!i mean no matter who also lar! lols.. heard from pika said he is going. he will go pangkor 1st -4th may then 5th will straight away join us. well, what could i say? I don't expect much from him.. i just hope i can really enjoy myself there because it might be my and our last trip before we really busy with our studies and works. hehe.. quite excited about it.. and i hope MeiMei and Yen is still with me on the trip because i really miss them so much. and without them who can i walk with? who can i share my laughs and prob? impossible to be him or who else because they really understand what i am thinking although i didn't say anything.sigh. this is what a best friend made up of! well, as they said..we are Leos! haha... glad to have them as one of my besties!;DD and again i wanna make a wish, I hope that the trip is carry on like usual although my Steve might not joining us because his studies. well, i will forgive u de..haha.. ^^
yor..MoMo so cute and funny ar.. he showed me his work just now. he edited a picture which is a movie i think.haha..quite cool..but i cant stop myself from giggling when saw the pictures.haha. so sorry to say that my dear.

the origins.

the edited! haha..

oh yea, today didnt go Pangkor because we are getting out of time. Go Utar dont know for what. nothing to ask because i already send my form and all those important documents. but thanks to man giving me some detail about the course also lar.. so i've decide for the foundation program. and i hope i can reay work hard on it!

well well. i need to stop writting now.. momo is calling me.. i must help him.

road block...

2008-04-10T23:12:00.005+08:00

This morning i was going out to my dad's office like usual at 10am. I was driving my myvi and my mum is besides me like what we did every morning. I have to wait for her ten minutes before going out. well, women have to make up and get their hair done with all those moss and so on. But not me..just a simple and easy going outfit is enough since i dont have dates wit any hot guy.haha.. shh..!!~ okok, lets go to the point. I drive quite fast this morning. and i noticed that there are road blocks nearby my dad's shop. This is my first time passing through a road block. well, honestly i was quite afraid out of nothing.ahaks.. so when the police giving me the instruction by hand. i was so blur to react asap.haha..so my mum was shouting asking me to go slower but i was just too blur... and that police is actually asking me to stop..i did stop the car but a lil bit slower than what he expected.lolx.. he came over and yell.. asking me to follow his instruction.haha.. I was just too nervous. omg.. then i just giggle back at him without knowing why.lmaoz. he look so serious and he suspected that I don't have license?? oh my goodness...maybe i look small in size but how could him? aiya...nevermind lo. i showed him.. and he take a second look on it? ish3.. buta ka? hahaha... its ok then. it was actually a nice n great experience.*wink* Guess, i know what to do next time...kah4

So today when i reached my dad's office. My dad is totally in the great hot. He is so angry with my mum that doesnt finish her job by yesterday. The bank is calling for not enough cash to pay for those cheque. My mum reached shop then he start scolding. woa, quite scared. pity my mum but she never claim for anything. she just too patient.lols. hope she never keep that in mind lar.. love u!!~ you are my forever heroin. hehe...

fly away...s !!

2008-04-09T18:32:00.002+08:00

I was feeling moody today. I just feel like yelling to everyone that talking to me today. Can they just shut up and let me alone? I really hate distractions! I want to be designer but you don’t allow. You want me to take business, I follow! What do you want from me anymore?? I cried this evening. I just can’t stand it anymore. Please...please respect my decisions! I need somebody to support my decisions. Am I just too minute to say anything? Where is my right to speak? You know what? I’ve finish completing the form for Utar. I’m ready to send it by mail. Why they still want to mention about it? Can they just trust me and stop asking for others opinion for what subject and course to take? What do you want from me?? I followed what u want then finish story lahh! Why still want to say so many things???? I just feel like giving up everything.. I don’t want to study.. I don’t want to live!!!

My cousin is going to take business admin for financial at Melaka. Her parents never say anything, they support their daughter... they discuss about the fees together. Discuss you know?? Not nagging! Why can’t my parents be so understanding and sporting like her parents?? It’s no use asking myself what I like. Not I don’t want to give myself a chance.. I just don’t have choice! Where is my right?? Nobody understands me including my family. *sigh*

I just hope for a better life. No more critics. No more nagging. No more stress. Just a peaceful life. I also hope to get what I want easier. No more distraction. Just easy going and happy go lucky. Tomorrow is always a brand new day. Yesterday is a past tense. My motto, today is better than yesterday and tomorrow is better than today. So in specific way of saying is the day is getting better and better each day. Aha… *wink*

I lay my love on u...

2008-04-08T21:18:00.006+08:00

yesterday i was having a bad dream. I dont understand why is related to my family? you know i love them right? how can i hate them? i dont quite remember how the story started.i only remember they forced me to do things i really hate..i told them millions of times that i dont want. i tried so hard but no choices. At last, i feel that nobody supports me. i was totally alone.. and i decides to commit suicide??swt.. then i woke up from the silly dream, i was totally down and feels like crying so hard..as hard as i could.. as hard as possible.. but i realize it was just a dream after a few minutes later. I feel that i really hate myself for being in that situation and I also remember that i sing I Lay My Love On You in the dream before i stay awake. weird weird dream..

today i played o2jam.. Suddenly, i flash back what I've done with my ex. he treats me so good, but why i dont have feeling towards him now? feeling guilty.. i joined a room and i played You Are Born To Be Loved lots of time. That fella keep playing the same song..I dont feel bored.. i really love it. [= I remember he purposely play that song for me last time..he always do what i want. and i think i saw him in pasar malam just now but i not sure whether it is him. i remember he use to drive myvi sometimes. That day he sent me message asking for another chances. without thinking much on it..i rejected him. i dont want to give him the second hurts nemore. i found that we are not in the same world. I doesnt belong to him..... its the end of me and U. i hope that u will live happily ever!!~

why u want to be doctor?? BM

2008-04-08T14:02:00.000+08:00

@saifulislam.com

“Kenapa anda mahu jadi doktor?”, sayamelemparkan soalan ini, selepas mempertontonkan kepada pelajar di IMUtadi video dari koleksi Stephen R. Covey.
Pelajar yang hadir tersenyum-senyum.

“Sebab minat biologi?”, saya bertanya.Ramai yang ketawa. Itu mungkin alasan semasa di Tingkatan 4 dahulu.

“Sebab suka tolong orang?”, saya terusbertanya.Ramai yang mengangguk.

“Well, come on. Ramai yang hantar anak buat perubatan supaya boleh rawat ibubapa sendiri nanti. Tetapi realitinya,kamu bukan manusia pertama boleh muncul memberikan rawatan jika berlaku apa-apa kepada ibu bapa. Malah ketika di bilik pembedahan dan wad kecemasan, ahli keluarga bukanlah calon terbaik untuk merawat ahli keluarga sendiri.Namanya, profesionalisma”, saya menyambung provokasi.

“Kamu nak tolong suami, isteri dan anak-anak? Rasa saya, suami doktor,isteri doktor dan anak-anak doktorlahyang paling banyak kena berdikari”,saya terus mencucuk jarum.

“Saya selalu beritahu isteri, bahawa apabila awak berjaya jadi specialist nanti, jangan lupa bahawa orang yang paling banyak berkorban ialah tiga orang ini. Anak-anak kita. Merekalah yang berkorban, melepaskan masa yang sepatutnya kita beri kepada mereka, agar kita berjaya”, saya berkongsi cerita.

Saya sengaja mengacah pelajar-pelajar di IMU supaya berfikir bersungguh-sungguh,mengapa mereka memilih bidang perubatan.Jika anda seorang perempuan yang bakal menjadi doktor, anda perlu tahu bahawa walaupun negara amat terdesak kepada adanya ramai tenaga pakar, anda tidak akan diberikan ‘kemudahan’ untuk menjadi pakar.

Anda tidak ada cuti bersalin,seandainya anda ‘termengandung’ semasa sedang membuat program pakar. Anda tidak menerima sebarang elaun untuk membeli buku. Semua kena guna duit sendiri.Kursus dan seminar yang anda hadir, anda mesti membayarnya sendiri. Mungkin anda terpaksa menawarkan diri menjadi AJK agar dapat dikecualikan dari yuran,walaupun anda tahu akibat menjadi AJK itu.

Semua orang mahu anda bekerja seperti orang lain, ketika anda terdesak menghadapi peperiksaan. Tiada belas,tiada insentif.Misalnya isteri saya, kerana 2 minggu cuti yang diperuntukkan untuk kecemasan dan lain-lain, sudah pun digunakan bersalin, lupakanlah kenduri kendara dikampung, lupakanlah ibu bapa, 6 bulan tiada cuti.Bukan calang-calang kerja.

Anda mahu menjadi pelajar perubatan kerana mahu menolong orang? Tolonglah diri sendiri kerana anda yang amat memerlukan pelbagai pertolongan itu nanti.

“Maka, apa tujuan anda mahu menjadidoktor?”, soalan yang sama saya ulang sekali lagi.

Pelajar-pelajar itu termenung. Sesi soal jawab tiada soalan, kerana semua soalan adalah untuk ditanya kepada diri sendiri, dan diri sendirilah yang perlu menjawabnya.

PERSOALAN NILAI

Kuliah kali ini adalah tentang nilai.Apa nilai yang dibawa dalam sebuah pekerjaan? Dalam sebuah kehidupan.Jika seorang isteri mengungkit dihadapan suami, bahawa kerja rumahnya,kerjanya ‘melayan suami’, tidak mungkin mampu dibalas walaupun dengan bayaranRM2000 sebulan, maka nilai apakah yang ada pada dirinya? Saya tidak bermaksud membela lelaki yang tidak tahu menghargai isterinya, tetapi dalam kes ini, si perempuan itu sudah menjatuhkan dirinya.

Hanya ‘bibik’ sahaja yang buat kerja rumah untuk duit. Maafkan saya, hanya pelacur sahaja yang meletakkan harga pada layanannya terhadap seorang lelaki.

Seorang ibu membuat kerja rumah kerana NILAI KASIH SAYANG. Seorang isteri juga melakukan apa yang ia lakukan atas NILAI KASIH SAYANG. Maka tanpa kasih sayang,perkahwinan adalah beban. Malah sumber kebencian.

Menentukan nilai, sebagai pendorong kita melakukan sesuatu adalah sangat penting.Nilai itu akan mencorakkan tingkah laku kita terhadap pekerjaan yang kita lakukan.

NILAI DUIT

Kalau pekerjaan diukur dengan nilai wang, maka kita akan berhadapan dengan banyak masalah, walaupun wang berjaya diperolehi.Sekarang ni sudah menjadi satu trend kepada dua industri, kalau boleh saya katakan industri.
Yang pertamanya adalah industri perubatan, dan yang keduanya,industri berkaitan petroleum. Trend yang saya maksudkan di sini, adalah perpisahan di antara seorang suami atau isteri dengan pasangannya, serta anak-anak, kerana prospek kerjaya dan desakan nilai wang itu tadi.Sudah menjadi kebiasaan, pasangan yang sudah berumahtangga, berpisah sementara(bukan calang-calang sementara) demi melepaskan isteri yang bekerja sebagai jururawat di luar negara, khususnya dinegara Teluk.
Begitu juga dengan mereka yang terbabit dengan industri petroleum,bekerja di negara Teluk dan Afrika,menyahut saranan majikan untuk meningkatkan kerjaya dan pendapatan dengan berhijrah ke negara yang menagih kepakaran kita. Ia hebat, menggiurkan…tetapi output daripadanya merunsingkan saya.Itu, belum lagi dikorek kisah suami diJohor, isteri di Pulau Pinang atau KualaLumpur.Trend ini berlaku dan merebak di dalam masyarakat, dan saya ditakdirkan Allah bertemu dengan outputnya.

Saya bertemudengan anak-anak remaja, yang ayah mereka pulang ke Malaysia 4 kali setahun.
Saya bertemu dengan kes, suami main kayu tiga ketika isteri meninggalkannya gersang setahun di tanahair. Saya juga bertemu dengan kes isteriyang mem’poligami’kan suaminya dengan bersuamikan orang lain semasa diperantauan. Dan kes-kes ini membiak dari semasa ke semasa. Tidak pernah menjadi tajuk berita.Tentu sahaja, hasil kewangan dari kenaikan pangkat dengan bekerja jauh dari pasangan dan anak-anak, boleh mengubah nasib keluarga.
Tetapi perubahan itu apakah ke arah positif atau negatif? Maka yang dikejar dalam sebuah rumah tangga dan perkahwinan,apakah boleh disandarkan pada nilai material?

NILAI - HARGA - KORBAN

Nilai berkadar terus dengan harga.Tinggi nilai, tinggilah harga. Tinggi harga, banyaklah korban dan pengorbanan yang diperlukan bagi mendapatkannya.Untuk bekerja dengan gaji RM10,000sebulan, apakah harga yang perlu dibayar untuk nilai material RM10K itu?
Kehancuran rumah tangga, kepincangan emosi dan identiti anak-anak, dosa…itulah harga yang mungkin perlu dibayar untuk nilai material yang dijadikan asas bekerja.Anak-anak yang mewah dengan nilai material ini, gersang dan menderita pada nilai kasih sayang dan perhatian ibubapanya. Sering saya ulang, ‘mereka adalah generasi yang kesunyian’.

Jangan terkejut, dengan hanya 3 hari perkenalan, seorang remaja boleh menjadi mangsa lelaki yang berniat jahat. Mengapa begitu mudah? Lelaki itu memberi sesuatu yang tiada diperolehi remaja tersebut di dalam keluarganya iaitu KASIH SAYANG dan PERHATIAN.

Malam ini saya mahu pelajar-pelajar yang hadir ke kuliah ini, melatih diri mereka dengan tabiat ‘Begin With the End in Mind‘. Lihatlah apa yang menanti dihujung perjalanan mereka sebagai seorang doktor perubatan.

TENTUKAN NILAI SEAWAL PERJALANAN

Maka, semenjak mereka di bangku pengajian, soal nilai yang ingin dibawa pada kerjaya di masa hadapan, mesti ditentukan.Anda boleh mengambil sikap tidak mengendahkan hal ini, bekerjalah selagi mampu, kejarlah habuan material yang dikejar selama ini, tetapi anda perlu meneliti harga yang perlu dibayar.
Perhatikan di mana korbannya? Harga dan korban itu mungkin rumah tangga, mungkin pesakit, dan yang paling besar, mungkin sistem itu sendiri.

Hati saya amat terhiris, mendengar kawan-kawan saya dan isteri, mengeluh tentang satu demi satu penceraian yang menimpa pasangan doktor. Sama ada kedua-dua suami dan isteri itu doktor,atau salah seorang daripada mereka.

PROVOKASI DEMI MASA DEPAN

Atas provokasi inilah, saya mengajak adik-adik di bangku pengajian perubatan,untuk menyemak hubung kait bidang ini dengan Tujuan Hidup mereka. Kenang kembali siapa mereka di alam ini? Kenaldiri, dan kenallah Ilahi

Buat baik kepada sesama manusia, boleh dengan sedekah, boleh dengan memimpin tangan si buta di pinggir jalan. Namun sedekah hanya sekali sekala, orang buta bukan setiap hari kita jumpa. Jalan kebaikan yang paling utama, adalah pada menjadikan kerja sebagai ibadah. Memberi kebaikan kepada manusia, melalui pekerjaan yang dikurniakan Allah kepada kita.

JIKA KERJA JADI IBADAH

Jika kerja jadi ibadah, Allah adalah ‘CEO’ kita. The unsung hero beroleh quwwah, untuk terus membuat kebaikan,biar sekecil mana pun di mata insan.Jika kerja jadi ibadah, ia jalanTaqarrub kepada Allah. Tidak tergamak menghambur dosa, kerja dibuat sebaik yang upaya.Jika kerja jadi ibadah, biar sempit jalan KEPERLUAN, asalkan luas perjalanan mencapai TUJUAN.

Ubah paradigma, betulkan nilai pada kerja.

Teruskan cita-cita kalian menjadi doktor. Ia cara terbesar, kamu zahirkan syukur kepada-Nya.

ListeN tO my hEart...

2008-04-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

well, kinda happy tonight. my god sis open connections and i can online at home now...but its quite expensive le.. never mind la because i wont be online so long at night unless got things interest me to online lo..hehe

ok la..now i really asking myself do I really love business admin???whats da reason for me to like it? well, i love multimedia design more..but i don't have choice. I've done so much things but they still dont support me to be designer. they say not so good in the future. but then..i really like it ma..*haiz* ok lah, besides multimedia design, i still got second choice..is kinda related to business.so i decided to take business admin.i think they can accept my not-so-like decision. I know i not study for my mum's behalf but I'm not happy when they are not happy because of me.u know what i mean? i cant be so selfish le..i love them and they pay for my fees..they work so hard and my mum always claim that she don't have enough money.ask me to left some for my bros.what does that mean eh? she some more say girls no need to study so high because in the end girls need to marry and scared too high education hard to get the right ones.omg! what thinking is this??..*haiz* well, cant blame them.. they are not very educated ma(doesn't mean to be so no manners, but i just thinking of it only), so they really don't understand what does the young's thinking..that's why many prob occurs nowadays.Actually its not hard to understand us, it just the old ones doesn't want to understand us. right right?? hmmm... well, i think all of us also know why le..because they think they do better than us...they always say us not mature la, this la..that la... phew.....tired of hearing it!~ well, i think in the end i need to tolerate with them lo.. so i just take business admin lar..i not so bad is it? i must handle it no matter what!! hehe..sure anot? aiya...nowadays don't have much confident on myself le after so many things happens.hmm... i think i will take at Utar because of the fees, u know? its faster and cheaper! i think my friends will give lots of support to me especially my best buddy namely hubby now.hehe...right2?? keke...

ok lar, its late now... its time to offline. BUT before turning in..i think i have to read insurance thingy again.haha.. getting quite interested with that book but i dont understand why i will feel sleepy..maybe the words are so bored and long or maybe im tired! aha... *ciao*

chinese ghost festival!

2008-04-05T16:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday is ghost festival 4/4/08, my family go for a pray to our ancestors. There are my great great grand also ;DD trying to imagine how they look like..^^ I've never see my grandparents too.Heard my dad said, they dead when my dad is young..my grandpa died when my dad is 5 and my grandma died when my dad is around 12. My dad got 7siblings. what a big big family right?haha..That's why my biggest uncle have a very large house, so that during CNY we can gather together to eat and chat.hehe.. For me, it is fun...but its too hot! I would rather wear a simple shorts during CNY when i know i will go their house!haha...*too bad*

Tomorrow i will go to Ipoh early in the morning, heard from my mum she want to go to ask about my grandma. how to ask le? i also don't know how to explain.okok, make it simple.. my grandma soul will go into that women's body and talk to us. At first i don't really believe it, but at last i cried. The way she use the words so familiar to my grandma..i really miss her lots! Tomorrow we will go again, i hope that i wont cry.aha *wink*

haiz, very very stress about my studies le. i don't know what i want yet. I though will be taking hotel management, but then my mum influenced me so much. what also she say sai jorrr!!!!!!! at last she blame on me for not holding my decision...crazy man! quite angry with her just now. what to do, she is my mum... i can do anything. taking business admin not bad ma..but i was afraid i don't like it later because i don't like account at all. haiz... i want to go back to form5. regretted for what i did last time... if i got a good results, my mum wont nag at me and says so many things to hurt me!! my fault.damn!! just now my aunt come over to visit and chat. I feel like crying when hear what my mum say...really hurt!but i will never blame her..only myself! *sad* I'm just a sad song with nothing to say.. T.T

hoping for miracle to happens.....

2008-04-03T11:07:00.000+08:00

yesterday i was asleep at 2something am. without knowing why i become so hardworking for the insurance thingy.haha...my only hope for now is I dont want to retake da exam for the second time if failed.lols.i knew i must struggle hard for it.hehe.. it was just like hoping the rainbow appear today? hoping for the miracles will happen. [=

Thank god my parents is ok now. i was so afraid yesterday if the war is going to start AGAIN..cause i will be the very very poor and pity victims between the war. live with no pea. rains with booms and the deadly sound.corps lying on the floor.blood floated the city. (haha...too over ba my descriptions. this is what we called as metaphor!! lmaoz..)

AND yesterday also quite unhappy because of him. why always him?? he's the one who made up the plan to go Genting-KL trip, now he dont want to join. So pikachu said, 'he is one gang with us..if he dont want to join. then I dont have the feeling to go'. I getting so angry to hear about this.hate3!! ok fine! NOW i officially inform that the Genting-KL trip is canceled!!~ *blah..blahbla*

what a April Fool jokes!hahaha.... 2day i am actually going to register for marry with Steve.muahaha... forgotten how this crazy idea starts, i think its start with me. ;DD he say go honeymoon on Friday at Mamak stall??omg!!how could him!!zzz.. then he said go Spain dont know because of what!!?haha... at last, we will be at Japan.huhu~ i want to go Disneyland, honey.hahaha... I love me cute 'hubby'! <3 *wink*

save our environment.... ^^

2008-04-02T12:36:00.000+08:00

2day is a hot day..sunny. BUT will it rain later? will the rainbow appear in the sky 2day? is there any meteor rain 2night? will the sun appear in the night?omg... they are lots n lots of possibility for things to happens...except for the Sun to appear in the night la. *doink* If the sun appear in the night, means that the whole world is going to death man. *grinn* When will this happen?

People nowadays is so selfish. They do what they like...they throw rubbish everywhere. You can see the rubbish fly all over in the highways, floating in the river..the sea, people don't hesitate to produce more and more smoke to the surroundings..by motor engines, factory industries, and they do open burning and they discover the jungle just for their satisfaction. (eh, is smoking including ar?hahaha =pp)The jungle influence weather by controlling rainfall and evaporation of water from soil. They help stabilise the world's climate by storing large amounts of carbon that would otherwise contribute to climate change. The jungle are home to a million of forest people that depends on jungle for their survival - both physically and spiritually.

When people will stop this unmoral actions? When people will start to realize and save the environment? is it when the sea level raises and floated their home.. when the food produce lesser.. when there are no petrol for their motor engines(do this related, huh?)..when the old and the younger gasping for air and when the deadly diseases is spreading all over the world??... Come on people,come and save the environment. What do u learn in Nasional Service(so is this related too?hahaha), show all your moral values to the youngers,the juniors and also the seniors who think they are mean to be better than the young s. Be a good citizen! The good environment borns the healthy citizen. I guess all of us wish to free from deadly diseases, right? Grows in the happy family with the ones we love,our life partner and also our next generations. So, peoples....please keep the environment clean and stop being selfish. Protects the green forest,defending our oceans and STOP causing extinction of millions of forest people.

wahh...what am i trying to do?haha... trying to improve my essay writing or doing campaigns? haha... haha.. this fragile world deserves a voice. Its need solution. Its need changes. Its need actions!!~ hehe...

yesterday i send him a message asking him how is his first day working? But he didnt reply me wor.. *sad* suan ler...maybe we not meant for each other! i want to be happy always.. Dont want to think much about it. well well, a successful person doesn't let emotional feeling distracted their daily routine ma.keh3. put it aside lar..think further...things would be easier! *wink*

*ciao*

what a boring day...

2008-04-01T16:05:00.000+08:00

haiz, wondering why my muscle paining this few days?? not enough exercise?i'm so lazy for exercise la...have to wake up early!! any others thg to do newayz?haha... I dont feel great today cause "aunty visit". wondering why is it paining.haha... As Fatin said, we had enough of exercise in the camp, that's why we dont feel pain for these day.....after the camp, really feel lazy to exercise la..haha... *daisei*

today, he's goin for his first day working as which I-dont-know-what nearby parade. heard pikachu said,he work as a clerk? omg..funny *grinn* hope he's going to be ok. [=

so tired today... yesterday i dont know what time i was asleep. i was reading insurance thingy on the bed yesterday.how boring it is...wondering when can i finish the whole boOk? i fall asleep on my lovely bed..lols.

this is what i did on my bed for not feeling sleepy....

studying or beaching?hahaha.... ;DD

see how thick is dat insurance boOk..zzz

AND now i was feeling more tired.exhausted. feeling hungry and sleepy.haha.. i had finished 2episode of my favourite Taiwan movie which is so funny and romantic.haha...[ they kiss again 2]. so tired boiling with laptop..have to hang my head like that..hmmm.... *yawn* will be carry on with one more episode next time..haha =pp

whole day modelling...lmaoz

2008-03-30T19:09:00.000+08:00

Today quite excited because i going to take my photo album at Oscar studio.haha... Actually, I have to done it earlier before going to NS but i don't have time for it. so i postponed until today 30march08! I register for it at parade last time, when they got promotion.. Its including 4customs, 2hair style, 2make up..wah, what a tiring day today! I go there at 1pm and its only finish at 4pm. huh? its actually a nice experience also because its my first time wearing a short yellow punker night grown and wedding grown.hahah.... when i wear on it, i was wondering..... who is my future and when I was going to wear it with my prince?kah4. *weird feelings!!* aha.... dreaming too far already! hehe...

Here's are some picture taken with my hp..

hmm, today he is kinda hurts me le... how dare he yell at me like that on MSN!!~ very fan?? then me not fan meh?? i have to book hotel lo...ask for ur opinion only what!! suan!!~ wont ask u nemore.. hmm =( I don't understand why i like U but i don't want to let u know!! huhu.. *relax* maybe i need a serious relationship now? i don't want to be like last time nemore... ^^ know for a few weeks then get together...after sometimes, feel that he's not my type? nomore bullshit like this nemore!haha...

oh yea, yesterday I'm going to bao yee's BBQ.. i'm going back home at 2am driving myvi alone??! omg..my first time driving at midnight..lols. Thank god nothing happens....well,lai kuan say i very brave and i drive like 'cow' ! omg....lols

Now i at Jeffrey's house! that's why i can on9 at night!! haha~ *ciao*

My toughts!

2008-03-28T12:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday my dad brought me a laptop. i was kinda happy n excited about it. its NEC brand versa E6300. using apple theme... not a bad things to discover..lols.
THANKS DADDY!! love ya.. i will do my best in my life! and i wont disappoint u anymore! *wink*

ok, let's see... what i want for my further studies...
I take multimedia design! i don't know why i love design so much..^^ Firstly i plan to take this course at Utar..and classes will be held in KL. Many aspect have to be taken into concern lo...since KL is far from my hometown. Its really a new great experience for a innocence little girl to stay there all along for a few years and outsider world is not easy, said my parents. I think its true lah..hmm..
Afterwards, my mum come with the hotel management idea.. that course can be take at Ipoh.. Cheap and easy lo.. Keris college. For me, i think its not bad also la.. plus, if i take tourism..i can travel around the world which is one of my dream.he he..
BUT.... there's a distraction now!!~ hehe... i don't know whether this is a good thing or bad ones. I think this is a GOOD chance for me la *wink* . My daddy's friend come and tell my dad... Malaysia design institute got a plan with international corporations. Its all about 2D and 3D animation with the Hollywood support. They need students like us who interest in design to help them with their project likes cartoon and anime. At first, they give offers to 20 students for free but the condition is..they have to pass their test ( portfolio), if not they have to pay rm4k for the whole course. I'm the late ones who get to know this... so, I have to pay rm4k first from the loan..IF i pass da test, then i don't have to pay for the coarse which cost rm4k..and i can get job with their project immediately. whoa, exciting right? i have register for it..and I'm waiting for call from their staff. The class will be held in Ipoh..If i get into this coarse, i will drive there..huhu!~

I hope what chances is given come true la.. dont make me happy for a little while only..haha.

Yea, I want to thanks to my grandma.. i dont know what to say..but i feel like what happened this few days is somekind related to her! she's not around us now...might be at another world! but i can feel that you're here with us! i wish that u're happy now nomatter where u are..and i will pray for ya!! i miss u lots^^

pangkor trip..20/03/08

2008-03-26T17:18:00.000+08:00

This is not my first blog..actually there's a blog before this but i deleted it for some reasons! =p
erm, today i start blogging because i feel like there's a new hope for me after my SPM results came out that are not so good..as wat i desired and my parents feel so disappointed about it!!~ =[

ok, lets talk about the first trip after SPM..

Firstly, i went to pangkor with my NS friends!! hurray, it was really a great n unforgettable experience for me since im having spm for 2007. it was long time ago i never really enjoyed my days except in NS.haha.. who are in da trip?? there are 2 'useable' guys...namely Edison aka San gor and WenJin aka silent boy and 6 pretty girls, mei mei aka amanda , yen aka big pig, xiao xin aka pikachu, hongqin aka princess, shi hui da cute ones and me..carol aka YeShin!!~ hehe...

Things to remember in da trip is, those guys dont have license for motorcycle!haha... we girls have to fetch them everywhere... fongqin fetch wenjin and meimei fetch edison!haha... it was da first time i see guys who really dont have any shy feeling for being fetch by girls.lmaoz. (what a miss... forgotten to snap their CUTE little face being fetched!! sorry guys...lols..)

Oh yeah, never forget our first time riding banana boat~ haha.. we fell in da sooo-salty sea water! yucks~ wondering how many peoples are trying to pee in da water before we accidentally drank it. muahaha...^^
(me,meimei,hongqin,yen,xiao xin) on da ride...hehe *wink* miss da blahhnana so much...

And many more stupid posing pictures la...i miss them very much... hope dat is not da last time we can gather together and go for a trip.hehe...

Who's stupid idea is it? wearing helmet that we rented which come together with motor..kah4. did u notice there are plat number behind the helmet??that's da reason we pose like this...haha.. not bad right!!?? *wink*

That guy is so-called Robinson Crusoe!haha... he's from Canada..and lived there for 10days when we accidentally found him along the beach.. I enjoyed staying here and i eat fish that catch from the beach, he said. That's what i know from a short conversation between us...and i manage to take pictures with him. Between, he's cool and cute!!~ ;DD

This is the first time I enter the toilet with so many people especially with guys along.OMG!!~ but nothing happen le..just for taking pictures only!! lmaoz..

Our room number 312. it was a memorable things..lols

Edison and me...^^

WenJin and me^^ (i look fat in this..opps!!)

This is the village on the water..i think their routine is fish catching le... (ignored the dirty and rubbish along the beach side.. well, its totally a common things happened in Malaysia!! =D )

Mei mei and me!! ^^

Yen and me!! ^^

We went to the swimming pool provided by our resort before checking out... I enjoyed so much in the pool. I teached mei mei water floating!! By the same time, i was cheated by WenJin claiming that he wanted to learnt...so i teached him. At last, i noticed that he was lyingggg..sobb! *paiseh*

The best scenary after all ... sunset! we are late for it.. so the sun is gone nowhere!haha... wuuwuuu T.T
At that night, we are having BBQ at beach. I was sooooo damn hungry that time, so i planned to ride motor with 3people without thinking much about the police to buy burger nearby silently..but failed!! Jin n Qin found us(meimei, yen n me)!...kah4! but then we eat proudly infront of them afterwards...thank god!! ^^

*oh yeah, just remember one more thing, i also accidentally locked pikachu in the apartment the first day we reached there. she is so slow that I thought she is waiting downstairs.. afterwards she keep on calling us and also knock the door as hard as she could. wondering how could she feel that time.hahaha^^